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willennym Asked February 2022

Am I a caregiver or a housekeeper?

SORRY IF THIS IS CONSIDERED A RANT. I am super stressed out about one of the clients I take care of. Im currently working for 2 different caregiving companies because one pays better than the other but I stayed with one of the companies to care for my client Diane. She was my FIRST ever client and we had a special bond but lately she has been really stressing me out. She has me do chores nonstop & it has always been this way even when I first started working for her. After working for other clients I figured out what it's like to actually be a caregiver, and working for Diane is not it, she even calls me her housekeeper. I try caring for Diane as requested by my company & her children but Diane refuses and rather me clean all day. She needs more help than she leads others to believe. Shes malnourished & dehydrated mostly everyday but when I offer her water or to cook she refuses and says she can do it herself and asks me to do another chore instead. As much as I love helping her around the house, she pushes it to the point where she will purposely make a mess so I can clean it when I have finished all I had to do. I set boundaries but she still crosses them and it's really stressing me out because the bond we had is not there anymore. Also whenever she breaks or loses something she will blame me even though I watched her put it away the day before but then it goes missing all of a sudden (nothing of value). She lives alone and has hallucinations and she truly believes they are real, this is undiagnosed. SO I try my hardest to be a professional CNA/CHHA, but all she makes me do is clean. This is what I do everyday (I see her 5 days in a week but this is everyday); laundry, fold, put away clothes, sweep, mop, vacuum, dust, polish table, hand wash, dry and put away dishes, clean counters, thread sewing machine, clean toilet, sink, mirrors, bathtub, med reminders, clean fridge, organize drawers and cabinets. When I finish a task, she will go over to see how I did and make me go over it again if she doesnt like how I did it. Also, most of the time I'm cleaning, she's hovering over me or "assisting" me, but she's really just there to see if I'm doing it right. I never get to sit for a second or use the bathroom during my shift. Our bond stopped after her daughter asked me to write a progress report on how her mother has been doing medically so she can show her doctor. The daughter was pleased with the report because it was well written and she finally had evidence proving what she would tell the doctor. Diane was not happy with it at all and said I exaggerated. After this, she has not trusted me and keeps more to herself and has even become more critical and angry towards me. She even goes as far to criticize my looks and I can't defend myself. I really dont want to become more uncomfortable to the point where I stop caring for her but she's really been pushing in anyway she can. She even goes as far as to make me work past my shift, make me late for other clients, and I dont get paid for it. Or she makes me drive around 100 miles+ a week with errands she makes me do. And I say MAKE because she doesn't take no for an answer.

Pelar20 Feb 2022
Quit.
willennym Feb 2022
Im so close to making that decision.
gladimhere Feb 2022
And you are staying with this company, WHY?
willennym Feb 2022
Only for Diane but i really cant take it anymore

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CTTN55 Feb 2022
" I really don't want to become more uncomfortable to the point where i stop caring for her"

Why aren't you already to that point?

QUIT, and work only for the company that pays you more.
willennym Feb 2022
Thank you for the advice, i really needed to hear this but ill quit if she refuses to respect what i really do for work.
CidellaMendivil Feb 2022
first off I think you've done a wonderful job going above and beyond. I know it is very hard to hear, but this should no longer be your responsibility. You've done everything you can do and at this point you should move full time over to your new agency. Moving forward this job type is hard and it attracts caring people who often get taken advantage of. People will see this kindness in you so protect it well. No one has listened to your concerns, so If someone is doing all the work (you) of course no one is going to notice because it's always cleaned, so stop doing more than you're required. It'll pile up but it's not your job, don't enable their mistreatment towards you, always stand your ground. I hope you're situation changes, I'm rooting for both you and your lovely client.
willennym Feb 2022
Thank you, that feels really good to hear! Rather than "suck it up, we do things were not supposed to and we stay quiet". This comes from other caregivers in person when i tell them my situation. I really do need help enforcing my bounderies because i dont want to give up on her.
Maggie61r Feb 2022
I would definitely quit. You may want to talk to the daughter first and explain why. You are a  CNA/CHHA, and not there to clean her house. She may have told mom she hired a 'housekeeper' and will realize that's not the way to go with the next person.
willennym Feb 2022
I plan to talk to the daughter first, let her know whats going on. Ive been really thinking about what i can say without making it seem like im complaining about her mother. The first week i worked for Diane they did think i was a housekeeper but i cleared that up for them the same week.
Goldstar Feb 2022
I manage a boutique home healthcare agency in South Florida. Hopefully, I am a good one to help you out!

First, know that you are doing a heroic job! HHAs and CNAs do the work no one else wants to do, the adult children refuse to do and the client can't do for themselves. You deserve respect, dignity, and most importantly satisfaction from knowing you are making a difference for another human being. Clearly, you are not getting that from this client.

As someone who hires, schedules, and manages Caregivers, I know there is a Caregiver for every client and a client for every Caregiver, but not every Caregiver is for every client. Sometimes what starts out as a great relationship transforms into something different. And, when that happens, it's simply time to move on. Like the song says, "breaking up is hard to do". (And you never signed up for "til death do us part",)

If you are working through an Agency, give them at least a week's notice. Once you have your last day agreed to, sit your client down, be grateful, and respectful and simply tell them that you've decided to look for a job that will allow you to use your training, skills, and passions to the fullest. There is no need to make her angry, upset, or wrong. You may need to be firm, but always be compassionate! Telling her won't be as hard as you think!

Let the Agency find her a new Caregiver that enjoys the housekeeping aspect of the job. (There are lots of them out there!) And, if you are anywhere near the Boca Raton, FL area, I'd love to have you on my team! ~BRAD
naia2077 Mar 2022
Beautifully said, Brad!
Retired50 Feb 2022
Fear is the sand in the machinery of life. Once you get rid of your fear and have confidence in yourself you will start living.

You don’t need your company they need you. Have you thought about working for an assisted living community? They are starving for staff. Think of all the wonderful people you could help instead of just one person.

ChoppedLiver Feb 2022
My mother and sister tried to make housekeeping part of the primary duties. The reason for this is because my Mom couldn’t justify in her mind that she needed help or that someone needed to be with her 24 hours a day. My sister did this because it appeared like the caregivers were not busy and she thought she was doing them a favor. The housekeeper cost more per hour than our caregivers.

I agree with the others. It is time to terminate the employment. There are a lot of other clients who need you for giving care. I wouldn’t even bother telling the client that you are leaving until the final hour of the final day. Some people give you completely unreasonable work to do if they know you are leaving. If you like to do housekeeping work, housekeepers can make more money than caregivers.

gladimhere Feb 2022
Will, another reason to quit. You are the only one that is subjecting yourself to the abuse.

MJ1929 Feb 2022
Tell your company you work for that you're being asked to do tasks that are outside your job duties. They'll either clear things up with Diane and/or her daughter, or you can just walk.

Having you as a CNA doing her housekeeping is as unreasonable as hiring a plumber to paint the house. Two. Different. Jobs.

And no, she isn't MAKING you do any of that stuff -- you haven't said no and stuck with it, but it's the job of your employer to deal with this abuse of your time, not yours.
willennym Feb 2022
My company hates when i complain, they tell me im always dumping a load of issues on them, they really make me feel like im alone on the field, they dont even answer my calls or call me back.
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