Find Senior Care (City or Zip)
Join Now Log In
A
AmberJGardner Asked December 2021

My mother (69) who weighs 89 pounds is very controlling, especially about dinner. What do I do?

I'm 40 and 125 pounds. She clearly does not eat much. She claims she eats all the time and has a big dinner she makes every night. She piles up her plate and doesn't eat most of it. The doctors apparently tell her her weight is fine, though, they'd like her to gain a little.


I've had a dang hard life to be living with this controlling behavior for years to come. If I don't eat when her dinner is ready she gets nasty. If I don't eat she will refuse to eat. Or she'll wait on me, whatever I may be doing, to cook even if she's hungry. She'll whine about just throwing the food away if I don't eat right then. If I do what I want, she'll chase me later, and madly explain your dinner is in the microwave.


She absolutely never wants to eat out, fine, but I don't ALWAYS want what she likes to cook for herself. She doesn't normally cook what I like or even ask, and if she does ask she normally doesn't cook it loll


I appreciate having someone to cook for me, I just don't want to be controlled by it most days of my life.

Beatty Dec 2021
Regardless of the whys of why you live together, I can't see any positives of either of you being 'The 'Food Police' for the other.

You are separate people with separate tastes, nutritional needs & appetites. Repeat this is often as necessary until it is understood.

You can eat what you want, when, where & how.

Your Mother can eat what she wants, when, where & how.

ElizabethY Dec 2021
Not a permanent solution, but order some food from your favorite place once in a while. I use grubhub or the ubereats apps.
I really struggled to feed my mom what she would like, and she wouldn't have something like a cup of tea or such unless I was going to as well--drove me crazy!

ADVERTISEMENT


Isthisrealyreal Dec 2021
If your mom has Alzheimer/dementia you probably won't be able to change the behavior.

She cooks, you eat. That's the parent child dynamic that is really hard to break.

I would try to plan a weekly menu together and see if that helps. Try and tell her that you do or don't like something, maybe post it. Amber doesn't like cow tongue, DO NOT COOK ANY FOR HER! She really loves grilled fish, ADD MORE TO THE MENU!

With dementia the only certainty is that whatever works today, won't work in the future. It is a constant trial and error. Learning to be fluid with what you do, will save you tons of frustration.

Tynagh Dec 2021
For the love of God, stop browbeating the woman for living with her mother. The reasons are varied and unless she choses to share them none of your business. If you can't address her question, just move on and stop shaming her. Don't bully her because she is different from you. Maybe she could ask, why do you live with your awful partner or how fome you live alone like a hermit? Get over yourselves.
MJ1929 Dec 2021
Because she sounds like a teenager whining about her mother. Absent any other information regarding her situation, it sounds like a dynamic between mother and daughter that's probably been going on OP's entire life.

If you want someone else to change, good luck with that. Change yourself, and you'll have much better luck. You can only control your own behavior, not someone else's.
lealonnie1 Dec 2021
What does Monica Dennington have to do with anything? And why are you putting up with such childish, ridiculous behavior from your mother? She can easily live another 2 or 3 DECADES, getting worse & worse as time goes by.

You're 40. Move out and on with your own life.

When I was a child, my mother forced me to eat a soft boiled egg every morning of my life. The very moment I was old enough to be able to do so, I moved out.

I never, ever eat eggs, to this day, and I'm 64 now. That's the beauty of being an adult. I get to eat what I want, when I want.

AlvaDeer Dec 2021
I am also curious why you are living with your Mother?

MJ1929 Dec 2021
Why are you living with her and not on your own? Independent people should live independently. That's the best way to control your own mealtimes.

ADVERTISEMENT

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter