My brother-in-law who has Alzheimer's has been abandoned by his children in NC. My wife originally went to take care of her mother. The brother was living in the house. Over the past seven years, while she cared for her mother, his cognitive function has been in a steady decline. Over the past year, she has been stuck has been caring for both him and her mother. Her mother just passed away. The plan was after her mother's death, my wife would return to our home in New York state.
The brother-in-law has 2 adult children in Washington and California. The son notified my wife that they were not going to take him in. They did this in a text message, much like they were rejecting a pet.
My wife and I can not in good consciousness abandon her brother. I am looking for advice and possible legal recourse against the children to help with care.
I am angry because now I have been made responsible financially for what looks like the rest of his life. Is it just me, or does this suck?
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You are in no way financially responsible for him. If it were true, yes, it would totally suck. But what you need to do is what others have suggested. Unless you and your wife want to move him to your house (NO!) and take care of him there, she will need to get him placed in a facility appropriate for his needs. Don't know how bad he is but could be assisted living, skilled nursing home or memory care. When he runs out of money, he will need to go on medicaid.
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You do not financially have to care for your BIL. Your wife can apply for Medicaid and have him placed in Longterm care in NC. If she wants him closer to you, then she will need to find out the criteria NYS has for someone moving into NYS when Medicaid is involved.
She can also call the County Office of Aging and explain the situation. Maybe the State will take over his care.