Im a caregiver to my mom(5yrs) along with a family member and sometimes my sibling. I live outside the home. We had alot of problems in the beginning years which resulted in a big fight between my sibling and I. Life changes happened and he now realizes I don't & never had bad intentions, I just want the best for our mom. What that being said he has become a lil more humble but isn't still that responsible or take accountability. He has a daughter that also lives with them who has a child of her own & a tag-along boyfriend 🙄. Sometimes I can't find a problem other times it's a lot of problems I'm just tired of saying things. My mom can't speak for her self so that means they do whatever they want. When I say something, it's like u not my mom. It just doesn't seem like things are getting better. Things are going back the way it was 5yrs ago & I don't want no parts. I'm @ my wit's end and ready to quit & move on with my life but I feel as I'm leaving my mom(even though she sides with them) & they won. I feel I'm in a losing battle . Please help!!
- you are not responsible for the happiness of others.
- if you keep offering yourself as the only and best solution others will gladly use you.
- your siblings (and any other family members) are under no moral or ethical obligation to provide any care for their LOs. You can only volunteer yourself.
Burnout is imminent if you try to keep doing what you're doing in the way that you're doing it. Put on your own oxygen mask first. Then you can better help others from a place of wholeness and fullness. Yes, you need to make changes that won't "feel" good -- at first -- and won't be popular when everyone's apple cart is upset, but it's necessary so please go for it.
History does not need to repeat itself if you can make better choices.
When you come back after Thanksgiving, try doing only what Mom directly asks you to do.
You are not there to serve the siblings or to please them, nor to work for them.
You will notice the differences.
You mentioned you live outside the home. You and a family member and sometimes your sibling (brother) are the caregivers for your mom. Who has the main responsibility for her? Is your mother of sound mind?
Whose house is she living in? And she lives with your brother, his daughter, daughter’s child and daughter’s boyfriend, right? Where does the relative who is also a caregiver for your mom live? Does s/he side with you or against you when it comes to problems? Can you give an example of a problem?
From what I can gather, it seems like there are too many cooks in the kitchen. Your mom may not get the best and most nutritious food that you want her to have, but she’s being fed and not starving. Perhaps it’s better for you to back off and focus more on your own life. So yes, I agree with you. Move on but keep an open door. Don’t burn the bridge. Your mom, brother and caregiver relative might need your help in the future.