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It's looking more and more like my house is too small to house my mom (who I'm caring for), her elderly sister, my son and myself. But, in order to upsize, my mom and aunt will have to help finance. My sister is in another state and can't help. Now, she's acting weird about our house search and making comments about cutting into the inheritance. Not sure how to handle it and not sure how to not be hurt.

Sweetly point out to your sister that Mom's money is hers to do with as she pleases and is not an inheritance until she's dead. You could also toss in that as time goes on, a lot more of that money is going to be spent on her expenses before she's gone.

Too many people don't seem to realize that all that money Grandma and Grandpa have saved for their retirement is FOR THEIR RETIREMENT. That includes fun stuff like traveling as well as not-so-fun stuff like nursing homes and Depends.

Funny how that works -- a person's money is their own until it isn't. Sis is really tacky to even bring that up. Feel free to tell her. :-)
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Reply to MJ1929
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LizinPA Oct 26, 2021
Thank you! That is a good way to address it. You're right, a lot is going to be chipped away the longer she's with us.
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Liz, just make sure you visit a well-qualified, CERTIFIED elder care attorney before you co-mingle your money, mom's and aunt's.

You need to look ahead down the road to when Medicsid funds might be needed. And at 10-12 K per month for NH care, EVERYONE except the generational wealthy needs to be keeping Medicaid in mind.
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LizinPA Oct 26, 2021
Excellent point! Thank you!
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My first response was: do you know what you are signing up for, taking care of 2 elderly people when most find the care of one almost overwhelming?
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Reply to imadaughter17
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It is an Inheritance AFTER someone has died.
Before death it is money that is to be used for their care.
Before you begin looking to upsize keep in mind that this will benefit YOU in the long run. If there is a chance that anyone of the persons you are caring for will have to apply for Medicaid any money that goes to buy a house will probably be counted as a "gift" and will either have to be paid back or will delay the acceptance for Medicaid.
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Debstarr53 Oct 29, 2021
Even if they are all living in the house?
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I would be very very careful about this purchase. There is such a person as a Medicaid Planner, so maybe see if you have one in your area to consult, as well as an elder law/estate planner. These consults would be a wise investment that could save you from a future catastrophe.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Buy a different house as needed and within reason. Do not spend time worrying about your sister. Money saved for old age is meant to be SPENT on old age not as an inheritance if not enough was saved to do both. My moms money is being quickly spent for assisted living. She had hoped my brother and I would get it..nope..mom needs good care and we are making sure that happens. We are happy she saved enough for a lovely place.
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Reply to Sadinroanokeva
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I guess ur the 54 year old not Mom.

You need to be careful. If Medicaid ever is needed, not smart owning a house with someone who is on Medicaid. Their portion can produce a lean on the house at their passing. You can live there but if u sell, the lean/s will need to be satisfied.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Don't worry about it. Let her know she's welcome to change places with you if she wants and be the Caregiver and let them both live with her.
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Reply to bevthegreat
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That lien will be equal to the amount that Medicaid spends on mom's care. And if mom contributes to the purchase of the home that could be considered gifting and make her ineligible for Medicaid for a period of time. A penalty will be assessed equal to the gift amount. So if mom contributes 120K to the purchase of the house, then she has a stroke and needs a 10K/month nursing home mom would be ineligible for Medicaid for one year until penalty is paid back. Or someone may be able to pay the penalty out of their pocket.

And Pennsylvania has some strange filial responsibility laws.

https://www.paelderlaw.net/pennsylvanias-filial-support-law-children-can-be-held-responsible-for-parents-unpaid-nursing-home-bill/
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Reply to gladimhere
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From your profile: " My mom has Parkinson's and is in severe decline. I now have to move her into my home for care. I will not put her in a facility of any kind."

Is there money for 24-hour care for 2 people if it becomes necessary?
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