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whaleyf Asked September 2021

My soon to be 45 year old son is having major memory problems. Has anyone else gone through this at a young age?

It came to a head when he and his wife were at a store and he couldn't remember why he was there or the name for the item he wanted to buy. He has major PTSD, has had a non-cancerous tumor removed from the outside of his brain several years ago and is checked every year to make sure it hasn't come back (so far so good), He's on a lot of meds for the PTSD. PTSD is really major. Doesn't sleep, can't deal with shopping unless someone is with him to make sure someone doesn't come up from behind him and startle him.... He's also been having meltdowns (pouts, won't eat just about every night. He's under a lot of doctor's care and wife now goes with him on the visits due to him not able to remember why he's there. All this is through the VA. I live a two day drive away so can't be much help but I worry for him, his marriage (this is taking a tole on her) and of course for him. I guess what I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through this with loved ones at such a young age? He is going in soon to be seen and maybe find out if it's all the meds he's on, the lack of sleep he has from the PTSD or what may be causing it. If they decided to take him off all his meds (not sure what all he's on but it's a lot) will he need to be put in the hospital while they do this? Insights please...

lealonnie1 Sep 2021
PTSD is directly related to your son's memory loss:

Can PTSD cause memory problems?
But one of the most pervasive symptoms of PTSD is not directly related to emotions at all: individuals suffering from a stress-related disorder experience cognitive difficulties ranging from memory loss to an impaired ability to learn new things.

If you Google it, a ton of info will come up explaining how PTSD relates to memory loss.

I don't think people realize the scope or the magnitude of PTSD and how it affects every aspect of the sufferer's life. Please do not suggest your son discontinue any of his prescribed medications. Lack of sleep ALONE can and does contribute to tons of memory issues, never mind all the rest of what he's going through.

I had a case of PTSD in 2000 resulting from an emotional trauma, which, I'm sure, was nothing by comparison to what your son is going through. I will tell you this: it was THE most awful emotional/mental and physical experience of my life and affected me in ways that was mind-boggling. I finally went to the doctor and was prescribed an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant which helped me a lot; I was finally able to sleep and the startle reflex calmed down so I was able to stop wearing earplugs in the house, just to function day-to-day.

Wishing your son and your family the best of luck with a difficult situation. Sending you a hug and a prayer for a good resolution.

schwester Sep 2021
Maybe an odd suggestion, but an older, experienced hypnotherapist might be able to help him as well.

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Helenn Sep 2021
Think it would be great help to DIL if
you could be more hands on …
she’s probably very exhausted doing all the care … you could offer stay with your son and give her regular respite or pay for some help !
she's probably not telling you how hard it really is !!!

EmotionallyNumb Sep 2021
Does he use drugs or alcohol?

Clairesmum Sep 2021
As a Coastie, he is eligible for VA care, isn't he?
Especially if the PTSD is related to events that occurred during his service years, the VA is responsible for helping him...and the VA has lots of resources and expertise in this area.

Get him enrolled in VA system if he is not already there.
Be sure he has signed a document to allow his wife to talk to all health care providers - a waiver of his HIPAA rights to allow his wife to receive the HIPAA protected information.
The information will be too overwhelming and frightening for him, so he won't really hear or retain the choices.
The VA has comprehensive care - meds, trauma trained therapists, group with other service members with PTSD, day programs, and short term inpatient stays. Not all services in one place, sadly.
But a good place to start.

Sounds like family members or friends who are comfortable being outside with him (can calm him if he starts to get nervous about something) helps a lot.
(Mancave and shadows and video screens may trigger some of the PTSD).

Also, I wonder if he meets the diagnostic criteria for TBI (traumatic brain injury)? A medical determination, but that can help find most appropriate treatment. Sometimes meds don't work so well and therapy, structured activities, etc.
Let us know how he is doing, and your DIL and you as well. Will be sending good thoughts.
Katefalc Sep 2021
If he served In the military during war time he is eligible for VA benefits. If his injury or PTSD is service related his care is fully paid for. Check with the department of veterans affairs
whaleyf Sep 2021
I should add, I'm going to call my daughter in law's mother. She and I get along great and she'll let me know if I need to come.

Geaton777 Sep 2021
Was your son in any rough sports in high school or college, like football or hockey? If he had any concussions, even one, it could impact his cognitive abilities earlier in life, like the CTE that some pro football players are posthumously being diagnosed with.
whaleyf Sep 2021
He was only in soft ball as a kid, but I know when he was in the Coast Guard he had some stuff happen I can't talk about here. Just that it was a major cause of the ptsd . I suppose he could have been hit in the head during that time. He was in for counseling and it was helping but they are limited on how many sessions he could have. From what I understand they are looking into him getting into more counseling even if it means paying for it out of pocket. I sometimes wonder if 911 has anything to do with it. He had come up with a computer program that they sent him to show other Coast Guard guys how to use it. He was in one of the towers a few weeks before the towers were attacked. . So maybe that's playing a part in all this too. Personally I'm betting on the meds being a major issue. He's on some heavy duty stuff.
gladimhere Sep 2021
Of course this is taking a toll on everyone!. There is early onset Alzheimer's but from what you tell us about his health I would be more inclined to think otherwise. The tumor may be returning, meds may need to be adjusted. With these drastic changes, I would get him to his neurologist asap.
whaleyf Sep 2021
He's checked regularly and the tumor has not returned. His biggest problem is not being able to sleep due to the pts. He's even had hallucinations (dreams while awake) while hiking in his woods. Pretty sure they need to adjust his meds. I did talk to my daughter in law today. She says it's not as bad as he makes it sounds and thinks it's due to lack of sleep that is causing all of it. But they have several doctor visits lined up to check it out.
Geaton777 Sep 2021
I'm so sorry for this distressing turn of events for your son and his family. I can't answer the medical portion of your question, but can only encourage you to maybe consider contacting your DIL and seeing if she can use your help at their home (like help managing home life for their kids) while she is at appointments with him and on the phone, etc. for an extended periods of time. If he's 45 then I'm assuming you are perhaps retired and maybe in a flexible position to help them. As a mom of 3 sons and grandkids, I wouldn't want to have any regrets that I didn't do more when I could have. I'm not trying to guilt you or judge you, but sometimes people (like your DIL) may not ask for that kind of badly needed help because they think it's too big of an ask, or she's just too stressed to think about the details of you coming, etc. Even if you're just running errands and cooking meals for them, it would be such a huge blessing. I'm sure there are more things you can do from a distance as well -- continue to make suggestions to her so she doesn't feel like she's asking you for favors. Wishing your son and his family much success in achieving better health and for an abundance of peace in their hearts.
whaleyf Sep 2021
Great minds think alike. I talked to her today when I knew he's be out side working on the yard. I let her know that if she needed me I could come. I am retired. But sometimes when I visit he gets stressed because he wants to do all kind of fun things with me (which we do). We do a lot of hiking which gets him out of the house. She did say that he's upset because she doesn't want to go out of the house with him, due to his getting upset with people around him. When I was there for ten days this summer we were out every day, mostly hiking the different parks. It gave her a break. (she's working from home right now due to covid) She did mention that he gets upset when she suggest they stay at the house and play games or stuff like that. (their basement man cave is full of video games, game systems, you name it... he told her she just didn't want to be with him. A no win situation for her. But she knows I'll come... or even stay away if that's what it takes. Her family is a huge support. Couldn't ask for better in laws.... FYI. her parents and an uncle live just down the street and all get together for dinner every night. (two different houses).

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