Should you let a parent with dementia help with their spouses belongings after they died, and with sorting out the house to be sold?
The parent has already been put in to temporary care. The parent's spouse passed only 3 days ago and the care facility has asked that no one visit for 3 to 4 days.
No one has any business telling a widow(er) of three days they can't have visitors. That's heartless beyond belief.
Don't worry about clearing out the house right now (and no, you don't have the one with dementia get too involved). Go see them -- they must be devastated.
We've done this with mother's stuff: Buy a bunch of cheap, big plastic bins and sort and store stuff in them. Labeled well, so we know, when the time comes, we either re-sort and distribute the stuff, or of it's to go straight to GoodWill or to the trash. They are stored in the basement, mother knows she hasn't 'let go' of anything and that seems to keep her happy enough.
She'll never move to a facility of any kind, she'll live out her life at YB's home, so he is storing all this stuff. Maybe if her mild dementia gets a lot worse, we'll clean out, but there is no rush.
Do not bring your surviving parent back to the house. As a matter of fact if they are unaware that their spouse has died I would not tell them. If they ask say..."Oh they went to the store" Or "Oh, they are at the doctor's office" Going through the house and all the items including memories will be difficult enough for you without your parent there side tracking you with questions or not wanting to get rid of anything.
I wouldn’t take anyone back to their home. It would likely be confusing and too sad. And don’t mention the house sale. It’s a kindness not to change things around
My answer, since Dementia is involved, is no. I never took my Mom back to her house. I was afraid she wouldn't leave. It just makes the confusion worse to take them from the facility, to their home and back again.
You will get things done a lot quicker without the parent there. It would be like taking a toddler. The parent will not be able to makes decisions. I have been there. I cleaned out 60 yrs of stuff. TG we cleaned out the attic when she was still with it. I still had 4 bedrooms, bath, kitchen, pantry, livingvroom and her sitting room. It was a 125yr old farmhouse.
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Don't worry about clearing out the house right now (and no, you don't have the one with dementia get too involved). Go see them -- they must be devastated.
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She'll never move to a facility of any kind, she'll live out her life at YB's home, so he is storing all this stuff. Maybe if her mild dementia gets a lot worse, we'll clean out, but there is no rush.
As a matter of fact if they are unaware that their spouse has died I would not tell them. If they ask say..."Oh they went to the store" Or "Oh, they are at the doctor's office"
Going through the house and all the items including memories will be difficult enough for you without your parent there side tracking you with questions or not wanting to get rid of anything.
My answer, since Dementia is involved, is no. I never took my Mom back to her house. I was afraid she wouldn't leave. It just makes the confusion worse to take them from the facility, to their home and back again.
You will get things done a lot quicker without the parent there. It would be like taking a toddler. The parent will not be able to makes decisions. I have been there. I cleaned out 60 yrs of stuff. TG we cleaned out the attic when she was still with it. I still had 4 bedrooms, bath, kitchen, pantry, livingvroom and her sitting room. It was a 125yr old farmhouse.