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exhausted302 Asked August 2021

Can I move mother into assisted living if I cannot provide the necessary supervision?

My mom has lived with me for the past 8 years. I recently had a conversation about her moving out because of some boundary issues and her not respecting my peace. She seemed to be excited in searching for her own place. Unfortunately, she suffered a stroke in May of this year. From the start I communicated to my sister that her moving back with me would be challenging due to supervision issues. My sister who is a CNA, agreed to care for my mom when she came home and I'd be there to help (I was there everyday). She was suppose to be participating in the program to get paid to take care of our mom since she's in the field anyway. My mom needs assistance with everything. She cannot walk or care for herself. My sister made a stink about her getting out of the rehabilitation facility that she was in because my mom wasn't comfortable. Everything that my sister and I discussed, she basically is reneging on. We agreed that we would split the time so that neither of us was overburdened and wouldn't fall on just one person so she did a month and now I have my mom for a month. The issue is I return to work at the end of this month, which I work during the day. My sister works at night. My sister is now refusing to hold up her end of the bargain and I don't know what I can do. I'm a single parent and work 2 jobs to take care of my 13 year old who is very active with travel soccer and volunteer work for her NJHS commitment. I can't not go to work but I also don't know how/who can care for my mom. My mom currently has Medicaid and Medicare and Long Term Care doesn't kick in until Sept.1 but even with that who knows how long the evaluation process will take. Any feedback or suggestions are welcomed. Thanks for listening.

JoAnn29 Aug 2021
Just saw you have Wilmington Del as where u live.

I live right across from Wilmington. Delaware has a number of LTC facilities and Assisted livings. My daughter has worked in a few of them.

Just reread your post, by longterm care you mean insurance? If so, I guess your going to have to wait till it kicks in. There are a number of Assisted Livings. Foulk Rd has a lot of Nursing and Assisted living on that road. Mall is right up the road as is The Brandywine Center and places to eat all up and down 202.

I went back and edited my other post.
exhausted302 Aug 2021
Yes, long term insurance.
JoAnn29 Aug 2021
When Mom was in rehab, you could have had her evaluated for 24/7 care. If found that she needed it, you could have then said that sending her home would be an "unsafe discharge" and you cannot take care of her with a job and a child. They would have then, when rehab was done, transferred her to the Nursing section of the building or you choose the LTC or AL facility of her choice depending if she has money or not. If not then Medicaid can be applied for. If your sister didn't agree to this and decided you could help with Mom, oh well, sister chose to bring her home not you.

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Isthisrealyreal Aug 2021
Speak with her Medicaid Rep.

I don't understand the Sept 1st start for LTC and not knowing how long the evaluation process takes. Do you mean the needs assessment or the Medicaid application?

Either way, a society worker from Medicaid can help you.
exhausted302 Aug 2021
I’m not fully sure how the state insurance works but she has to wait for one coverage to expire before the other one kicks in.
Countrymouse Aug 2021
Oh *dear.* I do sympathise, truly.

[Well you won't fall for that one again, will you?]

Right. Plan A is dead in the water. Plan A was for two people to provide mother's support structure. Two has become one, and one can't do it. Ergo, no Plan A. Don't waste time being angry with your sister - she had wonderful intentions, no doubt, and didn't actually intend to land you in this "'nother fine mess" she's got you into. Just for heaven's sake don't let her call the shots again! We live and learn, do we not.

So, yes, you certainly should feel entirely free to develop and execute Plan B. I have no idea who you approach to start with - is your mother still under the care of a stroke team, rehab team of any sort, anyone who might have close links with appropriate facilities and personnel? If that doesn't sound promising, your Area Agency on Aging might be a good source of information.

The sooner you get balls rolling the better, then even if there is a hiatus or an overlap or some other problem at least you'll have kept it to a minimum. I hope other people will be along with more concrete suggestions for you shortly.
exhausted302 Aug 2021
Thank you for the input.

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