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honorMom Asked July 2021

Where can you go when the Adult Protective Services says it is "Involuntary Exclusion" but doesn't do anything about it?

I also went to the police department and told them my sibling is keeping my mom away from relatives, friends, & church members. My sister can keep abusing my mom without intervention because I don't have money for a lawyer. This is so wrong. Why isn't the system working?

AnnReid Jul 2021
If you “don’t have money for a lawyer”, you can request help from The Legal Aid Society.

If you are unable to use funds for a lawyer because you are paying other bills and your funds are presently being dedicated to those reasons, you have to decide what you need to pay off first and what debts you must prioritize.

”…abusing my mom without intervention…” is a powerful statement. Do you have a way of supporting your statement that your mother is abused by your sister’s decision making?

Is there ANYONE able to act as an intermediary between you and your sister? Did the rift between you exist before your mother became dependent on care.

Part of this kind of tragedy is that there are always two sides to every story. Could you find a non-biased negotiator who could tease some mutual agreement from your painful situation?

NeedHelpWithMom Jul 2021
I hope your situation is resolved soon. This is heartbreaking.

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Chellyfla Jul 2021
Why? Because the system only works in extreme situations when APS catches a perpetrator of abuse red handed and the behavior of the perp is clearly illegal. If you know at what time the abuse is most likely, ask the APS worker to go to the house at that time. APS investigators also rely on the victim’s statements even when it should be obvious that they are under the duress of their caregiver. They seldom do a good job of investigating and checking with collateral sources of information. If you believe the state is likely to use their authority to help you, you are probably placing your trust in the wrong institution. Try to get yourself before a judge instead.

Whether you can afford an attorney or not, you can file a petition for a change of custody in court on your own motion, even in handwriting. You can also go to legal aid, request frequent wellness checks from law enforcement, file new complaints with APS or all of the above simultaneously. Your objective is to cause enough trouble to not make continuous obstruction worth the caregiver’s while. If you are not willing to take dramatic, aggressive measures, including filing a criminal complaint with the state attorney if necessary, the caregiver will go on denying you access. You apparently have nothing to lose by declaring war on the perp. The perp has something to gain by excluding you. What is it? Why? What have you done to contribute to the current impasse? A little soul searching might bespeak the need to apologize for past actions or clear the air, but it seems the situation is beyond that point now.

JoAnn29 Jul 2021
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-to-get-the-dmv-to-do-their-job-not-to-give-my-mom-her-driving-license-468924.htm

We really need more info on your Mom. Her age. Why is she living with ur Sister and does Sister have POA. Your other post talks about Mom driving and you being able to intervene. So you see your Mom?

https://www.zigya.com/share/U09FTjEyMTY0MDQ4

This definition of "Involuntary exclusion" is a little confusing so hoping another member can clarify. What I found is its really "Social exclusion" which makes it better to understand. From what I get from the definition is Mom is choosing not to see people. The example given is the sidewalk. The homeless and the rich both have access to it but the rich don't choose to sleep on it. Meaning your Mom has been given choices but does not want to take them.

Geaton777 Jul 2021
So APS did check in and came up with an assessment of involuntary exclusion. Is your sister her DPoA? Sometimes the wheels of justice grind very slowly. You don't give any details, like how much time has passed, what state she lives in, etc.

rovana Jul 2021
Presumably APS did check with your mom. Did she say she was fine with her situation? Assuming the elder is competent and says they are fine with the situation then APS/law enforcement can't step in because the victim will not cooperate with them. Similar for domestic abuse. Is there some reason(s) why your mom will not speak up for herself?

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