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FrankMuth Asked March 2021

My sister has POA and has shut me out from contact with our dad so she can spend all his money before he passes away. What should I do?

My mother recently passed. My father is on his last days. There is about 500k in assets that is left to be split 50/50 between my sister and I in the will, which of course doesn't happen until he passes. She had POA because she was helping pay bills, groceries, etc. Out of the blue she has flipped on me and acting very evil. Dad has been staying with her. She has cut me off from any contact with him. Things she's said and done, it appears she is spending money like crazy out of the savings they had and trying to get their home in her name to sell and also trying to buy a home for herself out of their money. In addition, paying thousands a month to her jobless, alcoholic boyfriend to be my dad's 'caretaker'. It is insane, I'm so upset.


How do I say, my dad is helpless, likely not legally incompetent, but has the mind of a helpless child. Everything thing he did was after my mom telling him what to do next. After she passed, my sister stepped in and replaced her. She could tell him anything and he's 100% going along. She had made up some vicious outright lies to him about me and put fear into him about me. So he just goes along with whatever. She could tell him I turned the color of the sky purple and he would believe it.


Attorneys just tell me I'm going to spend 20k+, it'll drag out forever, and a good chance I get nothing. What should I do? Is there anything I can do? How can she just sneak in like this...Do a 180 all of the sudden and turn evil to steal everything that is supposed to be split even between us for her and her boyfriend?

Countrymouse Mar 2021
Do you have any concerns about your father's welfare?

MJ1929 Mar 2021
Your sister is guilty of elder abuse. She has POA, but that doesn't give her free rein to spend all his money. She is now his fiduciary, and is responsible for spending the money RESPONSIBLY (aka not paying a boyfriend to be a caregiver) for the benefit of your dad.

I'd contact the local police and report possible financial elder abuse, and if it costs $20K to get $250K, then so be it. If your sister is found liable, she'll be paying the $20K back to you and possibly damages as well.
FrankMuth Mar 2021
Thank you. Yes this is true. I'm ready to probably call the local adult protective services here.

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AlvaDeer Mar 2021
Call Adult Protective Services and tell them you would like a case opened for your helpless Dad, who has a daughter acting as POA. Give them any evidence you have of fraudulent action. A POA is required BY LAW to keep meticulous records proving that they are acting for a senior who is no longer competent. Your Lawyer is correct that a fight for guardianship will cost you a minimum of 10,000 and you will likely lose the fight. I assume your sister is caring for the father. All things are on her side. If you have no proof don't bother. Do know that she is free to sell the home for your father any time she feels that there is a need of funds for his care, or that this is in the best interest of your Dad. So that is to say that your Dad put her in charge, and if her document is well written she IS in charge and holds all the cards.
You can either choose to cooperate and share in care for these end times or not. A will cannot be changed by someone with dementia. If there are funds left over at the end of your Dad's life they will be divided as his will stipulates. I assume she hope that y is also listed as the executor.
Again, consider APS. Tell them you suspect elder abuse and embezzlement of funds. And again, have your reasons for suspicion clearly deliniated, short and sweet. I hope that you are wrong, for your father's sake.
notgoodenough Mar 2021
The OP's profile says his dad is 44. Assuming that's not a typo, I don't think APS will get involved in this; OP might have to contact local law enforcement or his dad's bank officers to get help...

Just because sister is paying bills, helping out with groceries, etc. doesn't mean she has legal POA...even though I was my mom's POA, I never needed to enact it to be able to pay her bills or run her errands - all the bill paying was done online. I would be curious to find out if there actually is a legitimate POA, because 44 seems awfully young to have even named one, much less have it kick in; banks give people with elderly parents with dementia a hard time enacting a POA, I would think someone trying to get a POA over a 44 year old person to kick in would raise some flags somewhere along the line.

It might be sister is telling OP she has POA so he will feel he's got no legal recourse to fight her. I think at the very least, I would hire a lawyer to verify the POA is in existence.
JoAnn29 Mar 2021
She is abusing her POA. See the lawyer that wrote it up and tell him what is going on. You should be entitled to an accting when Dad passes. You may be able to contest the Will accting saying she was not authorized to spend the money she did.

She cannot have the house put in her name. Seems like Dad is not competent to sign it over. The POA may give her authorization to sell the house but any proceeds need to go to his care.

Is she Executor?
FrankMuth Mar 2021
She is executor. The attorney that wrote it up said he could not talk to me because he represents her. Legally he is probably considered competent, emotionally he is not, and sadly I don't think he has been for many many years anyway.
lealonnie1 Mar 2021
Money tends to be the root of all evil, oftentimes, and your sister may have decided to spend the whole inheritance on herself & her b/f. If the attorneys are telling you it'll cost you $20K to drag this out in court & that you'll likely get nothing from it, what can you do? Either hire one of these attorneys & take the risk, or try to have a civilized conversation with your sister. Ask her why she's doing such a thing, all of a sudden? Is her b/f coercing her into it? Maybe she's taking drugs and is no longer in possession of her senses, who knows?

You say your father is 'likely not legally incompetent', but it sure sounds like he may BE incompetent & suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's. If that's the case, then what your sister is doing would be considered elder abuse by taking such advantage of a man who doesn't understand what she's doing. Maybe have a talk with an Elder Care atty about THAT aspect of the situation.

People can do some horrible things for money, we read about it all the time around here. Movies have been made about it. Lives have been lost over it, families torn apart and siblings relationships forever destroyed in the process. I hope you can find a way to talk to your sister & figure this whole thing out.

My condolences on the loss of your mother and everything else that's going on. Sending you a hug and a prayer for a good resolution.
FrankMuth Mar 2021
Thank you so much...I need to hear that. I feel all alone now. It is unreal, we got along fine, we were all we had, then just before mom passed, when we more or less saw things were going bad fast, she all of the sudden did all of these things to get POA, etc.

And since my mother ending up in hospice has bent over backwards to shut me out from my dad and even my mother's last days in hospice. Like some evil 180 turn.

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