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AJ3333 Asked February 2021

Not sure if my mother should plan to go to an assisted living/memory care in the future. Advice?

My mom was recently diagnosed with early stage dementia. At first I didn't know what was wrong with her. Was slightly forgetful, but after she had a cataract operation, the forgetfulness got worse and she loses her train of thought. She is now staying with me so I can make sure she eats healthy and takes vitamins. I noticed she mixes up words as well. For the future, perhaps I should help her get placed in a memory care facility. I work full time and if she gets worse off, I am afraid I won't be able to give her the help she needs. She is willing to look into a memory care facility, but she doesn't like to socialize and meet new people. I am afraid her health will go down if she goes to a facility.

cxmoody Feb 2021
When it came necessary for my mother to move, I interviewed the MC over FaceTime, and took a FaceTime tour.

The wellness director then came out and met with us. She helped us decide where my mother might fit in at the lovely facility she lives at now.

The entire staff there has been sooo very helpful. They are great about calling me, texting, and emailing me, depending on the issue at hand.

You can get a lot of information before your Mom even has to make a move. I wish you the same good experience that we have had.
AJ3333 Feb 2021
Thank you!
AJ3333 Feb 2021
I thought about that as well. She was going to physical therapy, but that option is now complete. It would be best to go to memory care so she can get exercise on a regular basis.

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MJ1929 Feb 2021
Trust me, your mom will isolate herself as her dementia progresses, and that in turn will make the dementia worse. A memory care facility will make a huge difference in the speed of her decline. She doesn't need to "socialize" with others, per se, but the staff will ensure she's around other people and stimulation that she wouldn't get at home.

My mother spent four years sitting in a dark room (by choice) napping most of the day. My dad was desperately trying to engage her in seeing other people, but she refused. Who knows what was going on in her mind beyond what we were aware of from our side, but she just wouldn't see old friends or go out anywhere. After my dad passed away and I moved her to a memory care, they wouldn't let her sit in her room all day. She was brought out to the community area, and while she refused to do things like play bingo (she's always hated games), she'd be sitting near the bingo game. She eventually started joining in on the morning exercise, which consisted of waving their arms around and moving their legs while seated in chairs or wheelchairs. Even now, as she's on hospice care and doing pretty poorly, they get her up every day and bring her in with the other residents just to be around music and conversation. Today she actually initiated a conversation with an aide for the first time in months.

Honestly, I think moving to a MC sooner than later would be a good thing for your mom. Not everyone in a good MC is really far gone cognitively, and if the place is good, they keep the more high-functioning residents together and the lower functioning ones doing their activities together. My mom was somewhere in the middle when she first moved in, but now she's with the low-functioning folks. It all works well for her, though.

Just be sure to check out MC facilities and ask them how they handle low and high functioning residents. If they keep all of them together, that's not a good thing in my opinion. They should cater to various abilities.
AJ3333 Feb 2021
Thanks...that info was very helpful!
lealonnie1 Feb 2021
Since you work full time, you can't stay home and take care of your mom anyway, and she will require 24/7 care as her dementia progresses, leaving you a couple of choices. Either you hire in home caregivers if your home is handicapped accessible or you place her in a Memory Care Assisted Living where she can be cared for by teams of caregivers and socialize as well as have activities designed for her abilities. My mother has been in Memory Care since June of 2019 and in regular Assisted Living since 2014. She's 94 now and would have died long ago had she not been in AL with nurses and caregivers helping her and looking after her for all this time. They take care of her meds, meals, snacks, showers, spa baths, the doc comes in weekly to see her, podiatrist visits, traveling xray tech's, lab work, vaccination clinics.....the list is endless. You'll have a village looking after her vs. one person, that's the difference. Just her incontinence issues alone and wheelchair situation make her too much to handle at home. The AL quickly discovered pneumonia in her 2x already and she was immediately hospitalized only once. The other time the doc prescribed antibiotics and she was cured.

Memory Care Assisted Living is not perfect, but then again, nothing is. I find it to be the best option for our situation. Good luck to you, whatever you choose to do. Dementia is a long, ugly journey.
AJ3333 Feb 2021
Yes...my home isn't handicap accessible...I was thinking she would need that in the future, so memory care would probably be best.
Grandma1954 Feb 2021
If she has dementia there is no IF she gets worse.
As she ages there is no IF she gets worse.
I would look into Memory Care facilities, particularly if she is willing to make the move.
Will she decline a bit when she first moves in? That is most likely. But she will get used to her new home. It may take a while but she will adjust.
She will get used to "new" people that will not be new after she sees them daily.
It is the job of the staff to TRY to engage her but not force her.
Your other option would be to have mom pay for caregivers to come in and help care for her while you are working. (please note I said mom pays) the bigger question is can you handle that, can other members of the household handle it? And is your house set up so that she can remain safe walking, walker, wheelchair? Stairs, wide halls, wider doorways,

Tothill Feb 2021
Mum will have more opportunities to socialize in a facility than living in your home alone most the day.
Countrymouse Feb 2021
This lady is not a sociable person. No reason why it should suddenly become desirable for her to be so, if that's never been her personality - it takes all sorts to make even an enclosed world.

A good facility accommodates all sorts, though, so here's hoping she won't be forced to join in the singalongs! :)

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