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Annebe Asked September 2020

My mom is so angry with me, what can I do?

I had no choice but to place mom in the memory care unit of an assisted living. She was delusional, had fits of anger and would walk out of the house. The last time she walked out of my aunt's house. The police found her and had to be taken to his Hospital for heat stroke. She remembers she worked her whole life and has her own home but she thinks it’s where she was born, not where it actually is. I call her but she just gets upset and accuses me of putting her there and not caring for her. The staff recommended I call less and give her time to settle in. What can I do?

AlvaDeer Sep 2020
Your mother, you must remember, was angry BEFORE she went into care. She still is. Nothing has changed; it is unlikely that anything WILL change. I agree. Call less for now. Later, when you call, try to give her the training of when she is not in a good mood you tell her "I am sorry Mom, you are having a bad day; I am making it worse. I will call you back tomorrow". Likely will do not good whatsoever, but will help your own sanity.

FloridaDD Sep 2020
I am so sorry, I know it is hard.  I would go with staff recommendations, they have seen this before

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funkygrandma59 Sep 2020
I would take the staffs recommendation to call less until she does settle into a routine there. It will give her time to adjust and give you a break from her anger. You did the right thing by putting her where she will be safe and get the help she needs. Don't second guess yourself. If you didn't love your mom, you wouldn't care, but you do care and mom is right where she needs to be.
Praying things will get easier for you and your mom.

Midkid58 Sep 2020
Call her less and give her time to settle in.

She'll be mad for as long as she'll be mad. But you did the right thing. My mom is mad at me so much I can't even keep track if she's on the outs with me or not.

Enjoy your break!!

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