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Dfm1030 Asked September 2020

79 Yr old father is verbal abusive to me if he doesn't get his way. He became aggressive twice had to call police to calm him down. Advice?

What to do?

haileybug Sep 2020
Good morning Shane. Happy Labor Day to you. Thank you so much.

haileybug Sep 2020
Shane1124
I understand you.

As far as aggression - I keep a distance where they can't reach me.
Verbal abuse - I would leave the room.

Personally, if I could not use these as solutions - I would have never invited them into my home to live.
Shane1124 Sep 2020
Good morning Haileybug. Happy Labor Day Monday! Hope all is well with your family and glad to hear about your brother in law.

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haileybug Sep 2020
isthisreallyreal Seriously. Since I invited him into my home, when he has his fits, I would be like "carry on."

People kill me with all these "mental health labels."

BarbBrooklyn Sep 2020
This is from a post from August 2020:
"He is on deed. He put down payment 16 Yrs ago. Since then My husband and I both pay all food, ultities and half mortgage payment. My father tells all family members he takes care of everything and we do nothing. Kinda frustrating. I know he has biopolar since his 50's. But it is hard to deal with verbal abuse from him".

Your father paid the down payment and pays half the mortgage. You apparently went into this situation knowing about his mental illness.

Why do you care what a mentally ill person tells others in the family? Do they believe him?

I think you need to see an elder care attorney to find out what can be done in this situation; this is your father's AND your home; it seems like it would be best if all moved elsewhere and offered to buy him out. But I would seek legal advice first.

AlvaDeer Sep 2020
From your post I can gather nothing about this gentleman. Does he have a diagnosed dementia? Does he live with you?
It may be time for him to be moved to long term care so that he doesn't disrupt the lives of others.
Any answers I would like to give to you that could be helpful depend on knowing more details. Many go back to your profile and previous posts searching for details, but many do not.
Wishing you good luck going forward.

haileybug Sep 2020
Unless he was harming himself or someone else, I would let him be verbal abusive and aggressive all he wants.
Isthisrealyreal Sep 2020
Seriously? Why would anyone allow a mentally unstable person destroy the peace in their home and potentially escalate to a real danger because they are allowed to be out of control.

He needs to be Baker acted to get stabilized and then go to a group home for mentally ill adults.
Grandma1954 Sep 2020
You mention in your profile that he has depression and is bi-polar.
Have you contacted his doctor about the behavior? And is this a change or has he always been this aggressive? Possible that a medication change or adjustment is necessary.
Has he shown any indication that he is physically abusive to you or anyone in your household?
At some time when your dad is calm, and you are not stressed or upset tell him that if he becomes aggressive you can not have that in the house and other living arrangements will have to be found. I would not suggest another family member unless they are prepared to tackle this, and it would not be good to keep moving him. If he is a Veteran look into help from the VA. If not next time you have to call 911 tell them that you are afraid for your safety and ask that he be transported to the hospital for treatment. There you can talk to a Social Worker about your next steps.

sophe509 Sep 2020
Looks like a very uncomfortable situation for you, but more information would be helpful. What is your question to the forum? Does father live with you in your home or ? How aggressive is aggressive? Does he have a diagnosis of dementia or mental illness? What are his other impairments? Hope this helps get your question answered....
Dfm1030 Sep 2020
LIves in same house. Has bipolar disorder and diabetes. Also paranoid disorder. Very narcissistic.

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