My father has had a stroke and is living alone refusing assistance or to go into a home. I need to find a caregiver to come in occasionally and check in, shop, etc for him but he refuses my help...what can I do?
The short answer is that you can't do very much. My dad was much the same as yours. I tried everything - reasoning with him, guilt at the burden he was putting on me, etc - and he refused to accept any help except the cleaning lady that had been working once a week for the last 30 years. I kept hiring some companion care for 2 days a week so I could have someone over at his house each day at least to make certain he was ok - the cleaning lady one day, the care giver two days, and me on all the other days. He would be so hateful to the caregiver that she would quit. So I was back to square one. I finally just told him I wasn't going to put my whole life on hold because he was selfish and that I'd buy groceries and order carry out to be delivered to him but I wasn't going to keep planning my whole life and every day around him. He was angry but once he was really on his own for most everything and saw that I really meant it (I left and went on a long vacation out of state) he begrudingly agreed to go to Assisted Living. You really have to make certain you aren't enabling him. That's very hard because you don't want him to be in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation but until he feels unsafe or uncomfortable you'll not get him to budge.
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