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babyon200609 Asked May 2020

How do I get my Dad to get up and move around? He's become more lazy.

I'm traveling an hour helping my husband with his Mother. I have to lock my bedroom because my father seems to think he can let himself in to go through my things. Breaks things on purpose. Now I recently went back home to find my bedroom door broken into. If I ask him about it, he'll claim not to know anything about it. Even though he's the only one home. I don't want to place him in an assisted living, however, I'm frustrated and know he's doing thing to push my buttons to start yelling about this. I Pray and keep my peace and calm. He finds ways to try to upset me to get a laugh out of it. Don't know what to do at this point. There's no one else to care for him.

JoAnn29 May 2020
I hope you are not leaving him alone. If so, I wouldn't do it anymore. If MIL is going to need help more and more, maybe its time for Dad to be placed.

Sunnygirl1 May 2020
Your profile says you dad has dementia. I'd read a lot about dementia and what that entails. He likely has no idea what he's doing or if he does, he forgets that he did it.

Dementia means that there is brain damage. They can't be expected to go on as usual or to respect your boundaries or behave the way you want. I would caution you about safety, because sometimes people with dementia act in ways that are not in keeping with their normal self. I'd remove weapons and sharp objects from the house. And, I'd make a safety plan, even if you don't think you'll need it.

Also, laziness is not really something that comes into play with people who have brain damage. They lose their initiative to do things, so, keeping them active may be difficult, even with direct supervision. Eventually, they are unable to walk or feed themselves. I'd be cautious of leaving him alone. Except for the early stages, people who have dementia cannot be left unattended.

I'd learn what to expect as he progresses, so you can make plans for the future. If you don't have someone to help you, you may need to explore outside help coming in or a facility, like Memory Care. Caring for someone who has dementia is a huge responsibility and a lot of work. I hope you can find some help.

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lealonnie1 May 2020
Your father belongs in a Memory Care Assisted Living Facility *ALF* if he's lost his ability to be reasoned with. I seriously doubt he's doing things to push your buttons or get a rise out of you..........dementia wreaks havoc with a person's brain and they do all sorts of off-the-wall things. Watch some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube to see what types of behaviors to expect from your father moving forward. Tour some ALFs and go from there. Dementia normally reaches a point (as you're starting to see) where in-home care becomes impossible, as they require a round-the-clock team of caregivers to be available to them 24/7.

Best of luck!

againx100 May 2020
Your profile says he has dementia. So, I guess his behavior is related to that, right? Therefore, I personally doubt that he is breaking your stuff or pushing your buttons on purpose. If his brain is broken, he can't be expected to behave normally.

I wouldn't bother talking to him about it as nothing is likely to change. Perhaps he should not be left alone since he is destructive?

Maybe he needs some meds? Or maybe you need some outside help?

lkdrymom May 2020
Tell him if he can’t respect your privacy the next incident will have you finding an assisted living situation for him. And mean it.

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