My father doesn’t want to use a cane but it might be time. Family is opposing the use of a cane. Any advice?

Dad can choose not to use a cane. And you can (should) choose to not be Dad’s human replacement for a cane. If you allow Dad to develop the “adult child in lieu of assistive device” routine.... one false move and you’re both on the ground. Then what?

After my husband's surgery, he used a hiking pole. Perhaps your dad would be more comfortable with that.

When my mom would walk without an assistive device, she would sometimes lose balance some and grab my arm. The jerking motion would knock me off balance and I had to try to keep us both from falling. So I held fast that she needed to use a walker when we went out, because she was putting us both at risk. Your sister is free to walk with your dad without a cane, when she visits. But neither gets to expect you to risk injury.

So, when your father falls, as he is going to, your out-of-state sister won't have to worry about hospitals, surgeries, rehabs, and everything that comes after the storm, so to speak. So why should she urge your dad to use a cane, as he should be doing, since it's not going to affect HER life whether he does or he doesn't? It's a whole lot easier for her to remain The Good Guy and leave it up to you to be The Bad Guy, 'forcing' your poor father to use a cane!! I know the routine. I've been The Bad Guy since my folks had to move here in 2011!

So, when my father refused to use a cane, we refused to take him anywhere until and unless he GOT a cane! My husband took him over to Walgreen's and dad was able to select a cane that suited him, so we'd be able to continue our outings to restaurants and malls, etc. When faced with that choice, dad suddenly became compliant.

Your father has a choice: He either uses a cane (or a walker when the time comes) or there will be no more walks or outings together. Until you've witnessed your father fall and go through the nightmare that follows, you simply can't understand the severity of it. And neither can he. I am here to tell you that I've been there, done that, and it was ugly.

Wishing you the best of luck.

Hate to say this, but if he’s going to fall, he’ll fall. And if he doesn’t want to use a cane, he’ll fall and blame the cane.

If his doctor can talk him into trying a balance class, and he likes the idea, he might enjoy it and enjoy being with other people his age. Or might think the idea was terrible.

And this-if a walk is “happy” and he enjoys walking with you, you may wind up spoiling walking by going at him to hard about the cane.

And also- to be of any help, a cane needs to be used correctly and consistently and if you happen to be a physical or occupational therapist you would know what he should be doing but if not, or if he just agrees to use the cane and doesn’t know how or why, he may develop habits that will have to be broken if he arrives at a point when he MUST use a cane.

Your intention is excellent. Unfortunately, he’s not into buying it. Your stress comes from your love for him. See if you can find a (sneaky if necessary) way to enlist the help of his physician and get his gait and walk assessed formally. May work well for both of you.

My dad had to bite the dust multiple times before he could get past the vanity of using a cane.

Now he says he uses it for self protection, so true, just a different perspective on self protection 😀

Get his doctor to order a gait assessment by a PT. We did that with my dad. They will also give him leg exercises

Maybe he would benefit from an eval from a physical therapist. They can assess why he is off balance and tripping, and give him some things to work on. I've seen a lot of success with this, but he'd have to be willing to go. Usually you have to get a referral from his primary care physician if you want to go that route.

I agree, ask his doctor for an order for a therapist to evaluate him. Sounds like he may not be picking his feet up. The first time he fell, I would say no more walking until u use something.

This is how I feel about canes. They are only good if one leg is the problem. And like said, he would need to be shown how to use it properly. Most people don't. If both legs are involved, then a walker is needed. And that too needs someone to show the person the proper way to use it. My Mom went thru therapy 2x with the same walker. No adjustment the first time, but there was the second. They made it higher.

My mom refused a cane and walker right up until she fell a few times and it hurt. That changed her mind quickly. We left both available for her...she eventually started using them..