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RoxineM Asked May 2020

Can nursing home withhold giving Mom a plant I gave her for Mother's Day?

My Mom has been in a nursing home for four months after having a stroke. Just last week they began testing residents for the coronavirus and sure enough, my dear sweet mother tested positive. That same day they quickly moved her to a room on the opposite side of the facility where they set up a "COVID unit". She is now by herself in a strange room with no familiar faces, not even a hallway to look out into, and I can tell by her voice she gets more and more depressed each day.


This has really gotten me down; it's a huge weight on my heart. She is almost 90 years old and it will be a miracle if she lives through this. Trying to keep my hopes up though.


On Mother's Day my husband and I made the 2-hour drive to visit Mom through a glass door. Prior to our seeing her while chatting on the phone, I had gone to the main entrance and gave an employee a Mother's Day card with several photos, plus a beautiful blooming plant for a gift. I was told these things would be given to her.


After going back home and when I later talked to Mom on the phone I asked her if she liked the plant and card, and she had no idea what I was talking about - she never got them. I followed up with her caregivers and was told again they were put in her room. But when I checked with Mom again, she still hadn't seen them.


Finally just today, a nurse told me that they had put the plant and card in her old room, the one she was in before her test results came back. "We can't allow anything in this room that might be contaminated" is what she told me. But yesterday I learned that she was given a Mother's Day card from one of my siblings that was sent in the mail. She can get mail, but not a card direct from me? Doesn't make sense!


I realize how insidious this Virus is. And I have the utmost respect for all the caregivers who work so hard for so little reward. But somehow Mom was allowed to get the Virus, and now they're worried about a contaminated plant? For pete's sake, spray the thing with disinfectant, wear gloves, place it in a plastic bag and pass it through to the iso unit. Put it where Mom can see it to cheer her up a little.


I'm just trying to make Mom's strange new room more homey and comforting for her, and they seem to be using the Virus as an excuse for not doing such a little thing.


Does anyone else have an opinion on whether or not she should get her Mother's Day gift plant? If not, why exactly?

igloo572 May 2020
Not to get petty, but that the facility took the time to respond to you and knew the specifics on a card & plant, well this is a amazing facility. My goodness the place has a Covid outbreak, have had to create or reconfigure space and equipment & move residents to isolation room / wards, plus do everything else “usual” for existing residents with likely the same amount of staff but now needing oodles more monitoring of vitals, recording in charts, sanitation, PPE, etc. and still knew about a flower delivery is flat just amazing.

Roxine, cut them some slack, please. Maybe on your next trip bring a snack for mom and extras for staff.... like a bag of kid size apples, individually wrapped baked goods or single serve snacks.

& yeah, MACin CT nail it...... Flowers & plants mean water & dirt and just lil’ bacteria centers. Plus the isolated rooms are getting cleaned in some way multiple times a day. Having nonessential stuff on surfaces just creates more work for staff to clean & work around. Like CWille posted “it’s impractical”.
This needs to be all part of our new normal for next couple of years.

cwillie May 2020
It's going to depend on how anal management is about securing their facility, I know of some that accepted Mother's Day flowers and others that didn't - it would have been impractical to sanitize and/or isolate dozens of arrangements and plants. Cards would fall under the "absolutely nothing from outside" rule that my local NH has put into place (BTW they don't allow window visits either so that their resident are free to go out on the grounds if the weather cooperates), but I expect there is a legal obligation to delivering mail.

Personally I applaud the places that reacted hard and early, nobody wants to be associated with one of the facilities that we read about on the news. When covid19 does inevitably enter even those facilities the reaction often is to tighten restrictions even more in order to contain and stamp it out.

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lealonnie1 May 2020
Saying your mom 'was allowed' to get the virus sounds a bit off to me. This virus is highly contagious and no matter HOW vigilant the residential care facilities are, the virus manages to get into them sometimes. My mother has been lucky so far in that her Memory Care ALF is virus free, for the moment. If/when the time comes that the first case is recorded, we'll have to respect all the new and tighter rules and regulations that the State forces upon us. It may seem silly that your mom isn't allowed to receive your gift, since she's already infected with the virus, but that's the rules they've come up with. I'm so sorry you're all going through this, and I pray that your mom has NO symptoms and gets a clean bill of health SOON. Hopefully, she'll be back in her regular room in short order where your lovely gift will be waiting for her!

My aunt is in her 80s and caught the virus while in Rehab at Skilled Nursing Facility in NYC. She was given Hydroxychloraquine and a ZPack and she recovered within a few days........true story. The virus is not always a death sentence for everyone.......have faith.

Wishing you the best of luck moving forward. I've been sending my mother cards in the mail, by the way, as her ALF asks that we send no gifts there at all. It's just one more way for the virus to sneak into the facility.

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