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Floridagirl6 Asked March 2020

Has anybody with LO in MCF ever been told by upper management "if you've lost confidence/trust in us, we'd understand if you moved your LO?"

While simply trying to address and resolve ongoing issues of care and lack thereof with upper management concerning LO at MCF, I was told, "If you've lost confidence/trust in us, we'd understand if you want to move your LO." WHAT??????? I never said a word about lack of confidence or distrust, only inquiring about what is going on.
I'm simply bringing issues to their attention and that's the response I got (on 2 occasions) Anyone ever experience a similar situation? What happened? What did you do? Thanks in Advance for your thoughts!

Countrymouse Mar 2020
I would call that dangerously close to a threat. They are trying to intimidate you into not asking awkward questions.

Add it to the complaint you're about to make, yes?

97yroldmom Mar 2020
They have told you twice now that your concerns are not their concerns. Pull out your criteria and your analysis of this facility. Drill down on your level of expectation. Do you seem to be alone in your concerns?
Perhaps talk to a couple of other facilities to see if you are being unrealistic for your area and price range. Sometimes we have to choose which things are most important and accept we can’t have all that we feel our loved one deserves. Sometimes we are numbed out and accept below par standards.
You are the advocate but you didn’t create the situation.
I was told in a very urgent situation that a facility “felt they could not meet my expectations”. Hard to hear but they were right. The next place exceeded my expectations. Good luck and let us know how you resolve this. We learn from one another.
Floridagirl6 Mar 2020
Thanks 97yroldmom! The thing is I have brought my expectations down a great deal to a realistic level since mom started living at MCF. They had been doing excellent job until last 6-8weeks, it just seems to have fallen (no pun intended) apart. I realize a new facility is not necessarily the answer which is why I go see mom daily, sometimes 2x to make sure she's ready for bed, teeth brushed, pull-up is changed and pjs on. I know almost all employees by their first name as well as most of the patients and several families. My mom is not the only one that there's problems with, I see stuff everyday when visiting mom that I feel is not appropriate that wasn't going on the previous 6 mos. It's alarming to me at times. I'm just trying to take care of mom and take it day-by-day, it can all be overwhelming!! Somedays I feel so defeated!

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lealonnie1 Mar 2020
I just got another call from my mother's MC........she's fallen AGAIN, making this the 6th fall in MC, and a total of 42 falls altogether while she's been in Assisted Living since 2014. She is now transferring alone from her wheelchair to her bed, and thus the fall. As her dementia progresses, she's even MORE stubborn than ever before, which is difficult to comprehend. This time, she did get a skin tear on her arm. Amazingly enough, she's never been to the hospital *yet* for any of her falls. And they've called me for EACH and every one.

I know the ED and the nurses there very well. They would never, ever tell me they'd understand if I lost confidence in them and wanted to move my mother out. That is not a professional statement, nor is it one that instills confidence in YOU, as the daughter who's responsible for your mother.

If this were happening to me, I'd be looking around at other MCs for my mother. They're popping up like flowers and there is a lot of competition out there these days. If you are not comfortable with this MC, and you shouldn't be, then there are MANY other options out there for you. Yes, it's an aggravation to get her moved, etc. But in the end, if it brings you peace of mind and better care for your mom, not to mention no stupid comments such as the ones you've been getting, it will be well worth the extra effort.

Good luck!

NewandTrying Mar 2020
I think this is a problem with most of these facilities. There is so much demand that they can afford to lose residents. They know that if half their resident left today they'd have those bed filled tomorrow.
Floridagirl6 Mar 2020
Thanks! That's so true and so sad:( I agree 1000%
AlvaDeer Mar 2020
If there is a market for the rooms in the MCF, and you present a "problem" for them (or your loved one does), yes, that is what you will hear. It is a nicer way of saying "You are making problems for us and we don't intend to address them and would prefer you move on because we don't need you". It is a matter of business and a matter of customer service and how much must be provided to keep an adequate flow of "customers". It is not just said in this circumstance, but in almost any, and I have had myself in the past to say "It seems that we cannot make you happy; while we are disappointed we cannot, we would understand if you chose to take your business elsewhere". Basically you should respond just as you did here, which is to "call them on it" and say "I never suggested that I wished to move elsewhere. This isn't a criticism of general management. Rather this is a specific circumstance I hope that we can pursue a solution for working TOGETHER." You are essentially then doing "corporate speak" right back at them. If it goes too far, however, you are on the losing end if basically you or your elder are happy overall with the service. They live in fear and WE live in fear that they will lose their placement. I know we all can identify with that fear in an overall good placement.
Wishing you luck. Try not to take it personally. They just proved to you that there is no real "personal" relationship here. They are selling something you need. Stay calm. Stay pleasant.
Floridagirl6 Mar 2020
AlvaDeer you comments are always honest and spot on, thank you for that and Thanks for the perspective adjustment, its just what I needed. FloridaGirl6

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