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Mom is in a memory care facility, she is still mobile and knows some things. She cry’s and wants out of there says she should kill herself.... breaks my heart. I hate to go there but want her to still feel loved and not dumped off. Not sure how to handle this one.

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The heartbreaking desire to “go home” occurs so often in people with failing cognitive functioning.

We have had some gratifying success with providing comfort to my LO through the services of a very special psychiatric PA who visits the ALF every week or so.

She has artfully prescribed small doses of antianxiety and antidepressant medication, and visits to check on my LO when she comes to the facility.

When she entered residential care, I had to tell myself over and over and over that the home she had known since the day she was born in it wasn’t safe, and couldn’t be MADE safe for her to end her life in, so all I could do was find the safest most comfortable place near me and hope that she could learn that I’d be visiting frequently and be sure that she never needed anything.

And now, although she throws me out when my visits interrupt her schedule, she always says, “I’m always glad that you visit”, and I think although the early days were painful for us both, that’s really true.
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Reply to AnnReid
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Whew. Rough stuff. Probably the majority of the elderly in facilities want to go home. It is quite understandable, but not at all feasible. So, I would just ignore those comments. If she qualified for memory care, she obviously needs a high level of care.

Depending on the level of her understanding, you may not be able make her feel loved or not dumped off or anything at all. I imagine most things are just very confusing to a person in need of memory care.

If you are confident that she is safe and relatively well cared for, you might try to let go of some of the guilt, etc.
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Reply to againx100
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I thought I had already posted this, but I don't see it: if it's a duplicate, I apologize. The geriatric suicide rate in America is 18%, higher than the proportion of elderly in the US population. So any hints at suicide should be taken seriously and the person should see a geriatric psychiatrist right away.
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Reply to EdithHankl
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How long has she been there?

Some Als, Nursing Home and Memory Care places will ask you to stay away for a week or so for the adjustment period (sort of like summer camp).

If she is talking about suicide, you MUST get her seen by a psychiatrist, preferably one with geriatrics training. She may need meds to counteract the side effects of dementia--agitation, anxiety and depression.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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