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anonymous256140 Asked February 2020

How do I deal with stubborn 90 year old aunt with property issues affecting family members?

My 90 year old aunt (never married, no children) owns and lives in a small house on .5 acres that was left to her after her own parents died many years ago. She has lived there for 60 years. She is very frail with some new health issues, so she can barely manage at home alone. Doesn't drive. Aunt is very reluctant to spend any $ on her own care even though she has PLENTY, so it is difficult for family to see her living alone. We try to help out best we can, although we don't live locally. She is mentally sharp and negates most suggestions. ("I'm not paying for that.") Another problem is her property sits in the backyard of my deceased father's house and land. We have been trying to sell his property, but no buyers want to purchase this property with Aunt living in her house on her .5 acre in the middle of Dad's backyard. Family is not going to push her out. She is determined to stay put. My emotions range from empathy for an old woman trying to stay independent, to frustration and annoyance since she is preventing the sale of Dad's empty house, which is becoming a money pit. We have thought about renting Dad's house, but much $ has to be invested to make it rentable. Help needed with suggestions on property situation, as well as how to think about her. I don't want to be angry with her, but she is so hard to deal with!

Isthisrealyreal Feb 2020
I would offer dads house with a 1st right of refusal to the buyers for auntie's house and property.

Assuming that you don't have a cousin waiting to inherit this could be a good deal. It gives someone time to get some equity in the main house and potential rental income for future.

At 90 you probably are not going to get her to change, you will have to decide how much propping up you are willing to do and get creative with selling dads house.

I still get annoyed with land locked properties that were deeded before ingress and egress laws came into effect.

Talk to her heirs and find out if they are interested in having the buyer of dads house purchase aunt's with it written in to the contract.

anonymous1008856 Feb 2020
You have a problem , if your aunt has a will , the family may just need to wait .She is never going to believe that y’all are doing this for her own good , I’m not sure I do .Let nature take it’s course . Eventually y’all will inherit, unless you make her mad .
JoAnn29 Feb 2020
Its not inheriting. Its trying to sell Dads house and the Aunts is right in the middle of the back yard.

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JoAnn29 Feb 2020
What happens if Aunt passes? Does her property revert back to the original deed to Dad. This was a weird way to sub divide property. I guess zoning laws weren't very strict back when this was done. She actually has a deed?

I don't think ur going to change Aunt at this time. May just have to wait until a crisis. Maybe call Office of Aging to evaluate her. Maybe she will listen to strangers.

NeedHelpWithMom Feb 2020
Okay,

Thanks for the clarification. So, you brought up the house as part of the topic but not the main issue. The main issue is her wellbeing, correct?

Can you get her to agree to an assessment from Council on Aging in her area? They help with bathing, tidying up, preparing light meals and so forth. She would most likely qualify for this free program.

Could you call adult protective services to check out her situation?

Does she have friends that help her? Is she active in a church? Do church members help?
MargaretMcKen Feb 2020
Not at all sure that the property situation is not as important. Aunt is actually coping more or less OK, while Dad's unsaleable house is becoming a money pit. It's all part of the same problem.
MargaretMcKen Feb 2020
Is your aunt’s house and .5 acres truly landlocked, or is it next to a boundary fence that allows access (whether or not that is the way access is used currently)? I’m surprised that aunt’s property could have been transferred or registered (whatever is the local property law) without an easement for access. I think (going back a long long time in my memory) that there may be such a thing as an ‘easement of necessity’, but it is still very odd. If there is no easement or other access, is your aunt and any visitor trespassing on your late father’s property when they come to the house? I really suggest that you check the title carefully. You may not want to do this, but one strategy would be to start legal action over the title, and wait for it to settle. Clearly you need local legal advice about this.

As another issue, is your aunt’s house on stumps? If so, could it be moved to a more convenient place on the property? Could she accept this? A move without distance transport can be surprisingly cheap. The change in titles would need to be registered to free up your own sale, so you need legal advice again and also this might be part of a settlement.

Otherwise, you may need to sit it out until your aunt dies or can no longer cope at home. Do you know how her will leaves her property? Or who would inherit on intestacy? Perhaps you could have a reasonable conversation with her about what happens in the future. If she spends years in hospital (no need to mention a NH), this will be an even bigger pain in the neck. You might even manage to get her to visit AL etc, to see how things turn out for many people over 90 who are as capable as she is. She doesn’t want change now, but she might be willing to talk about the future. She may understand that whoever inherits the house is likely to be plunged immediately into legal action, which is in no-one’s best interest.

Tricky!
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 2020
I know, huh? A bit confusing!
NeedHelpWithMom Feb 2020
What does your aunt say when you mention that you wish to sell your father’s home? This situation is a mess. So sorry.

She is frail. She is stubborn as you say. She is even a bit selfish. In other words, set in her ways and expects you to accept it!

I wonder what you could say to her that would convince her to go into assisted living which would benefit everyone.

I know this is a serious issue and truly I don’t wish to be disrespectful but I have a quirky sense of humor at times. I was thinking that you could hire actors from a community theater or theater majors from a nearby university to play the part of whackos and introduce them as her future neighbors!

Maybe an assisted living facility would look like a nice option after she saw the alternative. Hahaha

The set up of her house is so odd. You know, the fact that it sits in the middle of the yard. So, is it sort of like a ‘guest house’ on the property? How big is the house? Would she sell it to you? Could be a great selling point for your listing of your dad’s house. Can it be fenced off? I’m a bit confused about how how house is situated.
FloridaDD Feb 2020
I can't tell whether the aunt is selfish or not, as I don't know the history of why the dad got the property that is accessible and auntie inherited the landlocked property.  Not uncommon for males to inherit more.   I cant tell if they both inherited or what.   But as long as she owns it, I think it is wrong to harass her.

If none of the family lives locally, I don't see how she is a burden on them, just that they need her property
anonymous256140 Feb 2020
It's not her house that is the problem. She can't manage on her own due to health conditions. She is adamant about staying put, as is. That's difficult for family to deal with, watching her struggle. But she won't pay for assistance, meals on wheels, etc. The related issue is the sale of my Dad's property which surrounds her house. So actually her property is legally separate, but it isn't separate in reality. She isn't open to discuss options for her and for us. That's the source of my frustration, I guess.
FloridaDD Feb 2020
I find it very difficult to believe that the aunt does not have an easement (either deliberate or constructive) to access a public road.   If I went to buy a property that surrounded another, I would look into that.  The fact that she does not drive does not mean she never got any access.   How does/did she get in or out?  Yes, you need to look for solutions, but it seems like you want to strong arm her so you can sell your own property.
Geaton777 Feb 2020
FloridaDD, the OP's Aunt is living in a house that on .5 acres which is "in the middle of Dad's backyard" making it difficult for the OP's family to sell her deceased Dad's vacant house. The Aunt doesn't want to leave her home of 60 years, can't manage things herself but doesn't want to spend any money on care.
FloridaDD Feb 2020
I understand that.  If OP wants to sell dad's house, and aunties house is holding her back (which as I read this, is on her own property), I think her best bet is to deal with it.   I get it that aunt does not want to spend, I am suggesting OP and siblings spend the money and explain to aunt they are spending it to benefit themselves.  What is your suggestion??
FloridaDD Feb 2020
What exactly is the problem with her house?  Can you and your siblings explain it would be to your benefit if she let you improve the landscaping, paint, etc?   That you are not doing it out of charity, but to sell your dad's house?

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