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Chelle71 Asked January 2020

My mom's sister is filling her mind with lies about me, constantly. Now she's trying to convince her that I'm trying to poison her. Advice?

I just moved in with my mentally ailing mother about 3 months ago. Upon my arrival I was warned that my mother may have mild demensia and that I need to have her evaluated. Well as it turns out, she is declining, not by a Dr's evaluation, but through my own observations. She displays a lot of the signs of the mental disease, almost scary how on point the signs are.


Anyway, she has a sister who lives in another state and they talk frequently. Upon her sister learning that I've come to stay with my mother she instantly started telling my mom that I shouldnt be trusted and she should kick me out. Basically telling her I'm a drug addict and that I'll steal and try to harm her. For the record I'm not an addict or a thief. I love my mom more than anything and only want the best for her. This sister is toxic and is so negative and jealous of my mom and I. There is a huge amount of lies and damage she has tried to cause but the latest now is HUGE... She is trying to convince my mother that I'm trying to poison her, trying to kill my mom. Never have I been so hurt and angry. I have not brought this up to my mom yet as I don't know how to address this matter. What should I do?

JoAnn29 Jan 2020
Your Mom has to be competent to assign you POA. And POA does have limits when the principle is still "with it". POA does not allow you to controll them. It gives you the authority to carry out their wishes. Guardianship gives you more controll but its expensive. If Mom has money, you can use it to obtain guardianship.

I think you need to get Mom evaluated, probably by a Psychiatrist because there is mental illness involved. Dementia only gets worse. There are meds that can be given. A good physical wouldn't hurt.

How to handle the Aunt? Block her calls but then Mom calls her. I too think the Aunt has some mental illness.

You cannot argue with someone who has Dementia. Your Mom has no idea where she left her purse or licence. And if she is still driving, maybe she shouldn't. Maybe when she loses her license it should stay lost. "Mom you can't drive if u don't have your license". This happened to my GFs Dad and he excepted that he couldn't drive without it. His keys were involved too. Wife found them both and hid them. Sold his car. Out of sight out of mind.

Grandma1954 Jan 2020
Chelle71..... FYI your aunt will be notified of the court proceedings if you are going to obtain Guardianship all family members are notified. Probably nothing will come of the notification but just know she will be made aware of the Guardianship.
After your mom has talked to her sister does she believe what she was told? If not then at this point there is little to worry about. But if she does believe her then this could become a problem if it interferes with her care.
You might want to discuss what your aunt is saying with your mom to determine if she believes what is said.

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rand00 Jan 2020
Hi,
I hope I can help.
I have a similar situation, but with a sister in-law. She feeds lies to my mom about me. The details.... Well, I have spent countless hours doing things for my mom, yet, I am the evil one. My sister in-law? Not one damn thing.
My brother, bowing to his wife, dares to comment.
Anyway, I will still try to help my mom as I can. For my brother and his wife; I feel sorry for them. I believe in karma.
In the end, I know I will have tried to help my mom. For my brother and his wife.... I wish them all the best.

AlvaDeer Jan 2020
Chelle, please try to keep your questions on on thread, for your good and for ours.
Does your mother believe the sister? If your mother believes this out of town sister of hers, why is she allowing you to live with her? Has your mother been evaluated for dementia? Do you believe she has dementia? What symptoms of Dementia are you seeing. Does this sister have POA for your mother for health or financial? Why does this aunt of yours, your mother's sister, so distrust you; one would assume that, given she doesn't live in town with your mother, she would be very relieved to have a family member living with and caring for your Mom.
Chelle71 Jan 2020
Well, we have never gotten along, her sister and I. She is estranged from both of her adult children as one is in prison for meth related issues and the other refuses to be in her life. This I believe has made her angry, hateful, and jealous.
when my mother and I argue, over little things like losing her liscense or not being able to find her purse that she's hid, she'll call her sister and then boy the hats are off. I've learned to be patient with her but I cannot control everything she does. As far as the sister is concerned, I believe she also has a mental illness. She dreams up the craziest stories I've ever heard and feeds them to my mom. It's really scary and well, sad.
I'm currently working on becoming my mothers POA and quickly. As im not 100% sure what the sisters motive is here.
I'm wondering if there was some legal approach I could take to protect my mom from her sister as I believe she could potentially make her sicker than she is. She's harmful to her mentally. When I discuss this with my mom she agrees but continues to entertain these weird accusations. I'm at a loss on what to do.

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