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Ladybug518 Asked January 2020

First, visual hallucinations. Then delusions. Now she thinks she's hearing bad things being said about her, but it's not happening.

Mom has lived with us for twelve years. Within the last two years, she has seen animals in trees, like deer and dogs, that aren't there. Easy to deal with, acknowledge and move on...Then my husband is being accused of shining "flood lights" into her room at night. Took her to doc about that one. Doc told her to take pictures and show them to the doc. Haven't heard about the "lights" since then. Now she tells me that she heard us say that "she stinks" and "she's dirty". Not true - she is sweet smelling. Also said she heard me say "that I can't work, because of her." Not true, I work part time. This morning, she wouldn't let me fix her breakfast because she heard me say "she is too much for me to take care of and I don't want to do it anymore." Not true either. What is going on that she is believing all these negative statements, that have not been said? I was coping OK until now. I am her only child now and her only caregiver. My sister died about five years ago. I am so sad and feel helpless while listening to her say these things and be so angry with me that I am saying these types of things. I do everything for her. What do I do now?

freqflyer Jan 2020
LadyBug, take your Mom to her primary doctor and have him/her check her for an Urinary Tract Infection. Such an infection can make someone older have strange issues such as seeing/hearing things that aren't there,

If she does have an infection, hopefully the antibiotics will help limit the hallucinations/delusions. And if not, then you know your Mom is in another stage of memory loss.
Ladybug518 Jan 2020
Thank you. I will take her to her primary to check for UTI.
Geaton777 Jan 2020
I am a fan of medication, if there is an appropriate one. It may not work perfectly but may help her negativity and delusions. And it may not work forever as dementia is a moving target. But even if it works for a little while, it will bring some relief. Not just for you, but for your mom as well. Medication has helped my 97-yo aunt a lot, and her 100-yr old sister who cares for her. I hope you can find a solution that helps!
Ladybug518 Jan 2020
Thank you. We have a neurologist appointment in February. Hopefully, I'll gain more information and possibly medication.

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Grandma1954 Jan 2020
Have you tried headphones? ...for your mom not for you ;)
Maybe some music might cancel out the voices she hears.
Has she been diagnosed with a particular type of dementia? Visual and auditory hallucinations are more common with some types of dementia than others. Sometimes medications will help. (but the proper diagnosis must be made for the correct medication)
By the way.."floodlights" in her room at night this time of year might be possible. With no leaves on the trees a full moon shining in, or a streetlight, or car headlights could look like floodlights.
As to what she is hearing...It could be snippets of what she hears on TV, she could be recalling what she heard as a child when a parent said that about THEIR parent or even what she may have said about HER parent. Rather than "discuss" it just say..."I am sorry if that is what you thought I said" or "I was talking about the dog being smelly" or other nonsense.
Ladybug518 Jan 2020
Hi: I do put music on for her when she seems to be upset and agitated. It does work. I don't think she'd like to wear headphones, though. I will start to say "I am sorry if that is what you thought I said". Thank you!
Eyerishlass Jan 2020
I know it's difficult but try not to take it personally. Your mom's delusions say more about the state of her dementia than they say about you. You can't apply logic here, you can't appeal to your mom that she discuss these things with you because she lacks the capacity to be reasonable.

You know what she's saying isn't true. That's going to have to be enough.
Ladybug518 Jan 2020
Hi: Yes, I haven't yet mastered not taking her comments personally. I'll be working on that. Thanks.
anonymous912123 Jan 2020
Have you considered that she now needs to be placed in MC and attended to by a clinically trained staff? She will not get better this is a progressive disease that has no cure.

Do the right thing for her and you both.
Ladybug518 Jan 2020
I don't want to consider MC yet. Thank you.

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