I wrote here summertime when mom moved into my house after my sister kicked her out. We fought everyday and she would call me names (5 months) I have kids and a husband and they witnessed this.
One day, family came over packed her stuff and moved her to live with her sister. No contact since, until last week and today. She wants to visit for the holidays. She kept saying “I’m your mother “ (she sounded intoxicated) But I can’t see her, she triggers me. Since she moved out I’m in therapy and have been diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety (and feel like my work has been unraveled). I know she’s my elderly mother that I was suppose to care for, but I can’t handle her. I’m happier when I don’t hear from her.
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I am so glad that you are in therapy and getting the help you need.
Probably she would want to stay longer than the holidays and of course there would be drama all the way through.
So stay strong. You are doing the right thing.
Look at this as a little test to strengthen your resolve. I’m so sorry it’s this tough. Focus on your family. Hugs
It’s hard because then you feel guilt. She gives me the worst kinds of feelings. Before all this we got along great and I thought no problem she can live with us and I will take care of her. But then I felt a dark shadow overcome me from the past. I’m not even sure if I make any sense. She always asked “where you going, hurry up come back, your dog wants to go out etc”.
I felt like a child in my house that I worked to buy.
Listen, I am now going to call you, “Unstuck!”
Unstuck,
As far as the comments to make you feel guilty goes...
My mom told me, “I would have NEVER spoken to my mom the way you have spoken to me.” She thought it was make me feel guilty. All it did was infuriate me! I promptly told her, “Of course not, mom because grandma didn’t treat you the way you’ve treated me!” My grandma was a sweetheart. My mom was nothing like her mom. My mom has a mean streak.
My mom was lovely in many ways. She really was. We had issues and then became very close but moving her in with us brought out her true colors. She always wanted me to take the blame for everything. I am not proud of all of the arguments. She brought out the very worst in me.
We can be pushed to the limit or as my husband says, “hit our threshold of pain.”
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I am your mother, yep and the sunrises in the east and I can't help or change that either.
Stick to your guns and don't let her ruin your holidays.
I would block her number if I had to.
Sending you hugs with strength to say, NO, NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
Im thinking of blocking her. I’m tired of feeling sad, scared and frustrated. She doesn’t take No. you would think at an older age she would be different. Plus the fact she sounded intoxicated made me angry.
We have other plans for the holidays this year.
We'll be out of town.
She likes to say "I'm your mother" but conveniently forgets that mothers don't call their daughters ugly names. Nor do they cause them to suffer PTSD or require a doctors care or have their work unravel.
Remember that you are dealing with a manipulative person whose probably been kicked out of her sisters home and is now in need of new living accommodations. And using a visit for the holidays as her way to weasel herself back in the door.
Uunfortunately, that just doesn't work for me.
We have other plans for the holidays this year.
We'll be out of town.
But she again even after I told her that. She calls me like 5 times straight leaves texts, then calls husband 5 times... Ughhh I want peace.
Yes, she's your mother. She birthed you, that's nice, but respect is a two-way thing. You can't be abusive and cause chaos when you live in someone else's house. "I'm your mother!" is not a pass to crap on her children. It's plain disrespectful and arrogant to treat anyone like garbage and be ungrateful, yet still expect them to house you and take care of you.
Leave her alone and makes sure she leaved you alone. You can't help her and she won't change.
I looked up FOG, it’s me 💔
Since my last post, my mother has contacted me again. Left a message and multiple texts. I chose not to listen to the VM. I was brief with my response in text. I have also decided to block her and my sister. They ruin my days and I am finished feeling like crap. I wish had had that perfect family but it wasn’t in the cards for me. Thank you for reading
I am sorry that you didn't get a loving mom, but you can have the family you desire. Your children and husband and yourself can be that family. Spend your energy being that family.
Hugs!
nobody understands me but only my therapist. I’m now the black sheep and last night I woke up crying because I was dreaming of my “family “
The recipients of such statements are invariably the victims or those who'd be expected to do the caring (you). Well, the victims of these statements are a daughter (or son) and they're friggin' family too, yet their needs are cast aside. That infuriates me! I had a PTSD meltdown caused by extreme long-term stress, not caused by sweet Mom but by my Twisted Sisters.
Be strong, stuck4ever. You're on the right track. Stay with us, dear. Here at AC, you matter and we got your back.
Thank you so much! Everybody here has great advice and just the tone of comments are very caring. I’m very grateful thank you. My sister kicked her out and sold the house with no return address. Sister texts my daughter and said “I heard things didn’t go too well with mom living there. Hope your mom feels what I felt”. My sister and I never really got along either. I was mom’s favorite she would always say.
I feel your pain! I cared for my mom in my home for nearly 15 years! I swear I must have had temporary insanity. It’s terribly hard. It’s exhausting. It’s infuriating at times.
It was the worst mistake of my life. Destroyed my relationship with my mother. Placed stress on entire family. I would never do it again.
Let her be. Let go. Take care of you now. Hugs!!!
Mom and I were ok before she moved in. So that makes me sad but while she lived here I was dealing with her and my kids health issues. So it took a HUGE toll on my sanity.