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Tluther Asked July 2019

How do I know when someone is deteriorating too quickly?

My mom is 84 and has always been very sharp. She lived alone until she was 80 and has been selfish and self centered her entire life. My sister wants nothing to do with her and she has lived with us for the last 4 years. She has an apartment off our garage that she spends most of her time in and comes in the house for dinner and in the mornings to share all of her TV shows with me or tell me what she saw the neighbors doing the previous day. Mom has zero interest in any activities outside the home and if pushed to do something will come down with uncontrollable diarrhea...this is something she has done my entire adult life. She has claimed two jobs in the house. One is doing the laundry which takes place right outside her bedroom door so she doesn't have to leave the TV for very long and the other is feeding all the family dogs. She will NOT do any other housework and will only help prepare a meal if pressed. Lately she is mumbling/almost incoherent at times and rambles on with a pointless story. She cannot hear, I am sure, says she cannot see although she just had cataract surgery a year ago and I am concerned that her mental state is starting to go. I am noticing little things like she gets food on herself when she eats sometimes, she doesn't always seem to know that what she sees on TV is not real, but then sometimes she does. Her finances are beginning to become a mess as I am seeing more and more credit card bills coming in the mail. Is this the beginning of normal aging or should I see her doctor?

CaregiverL Jul 2019
I would not take a chance of her feeding the dog...she probably will give something that will make dog sick

lealonnie1 Jul 2019
Ask her to draw a clock. If she can draw a circle, ask her to show the time as 3 o'clock. If she is unable to do so, her executive brain function isn't working properly. Executive brain function is like the conductor of the orchestra. If the conductor is absent, the musicians are lost and don't know what to do....thats the analogy given to me by the doc conducting my mother's dementia test. She can Showtime like a champ, but she can't draw a clock so we know what we're dealing with.

I knew something was very wrong at Easter this year when my mother was spilling food all over herself. She dropped her knife twice and then knocked over her water glass. But the food mess concerned me most. Turns out she had a stroke which was found via CT scan when she was hospitalized in May for pneumonia. Vision changes can also be indicative of stroke. My mother also says she can't remember if something actually happened or she dreamt it. Your mom could be going down the dementia highway or she could have suffered a stroke, based on the behavior you are describing. If possible, get her to the doc and suggest a CT scan. She can also be given a cognition test which includes the clock test in order to establish a baseline for her at this time. My mom scored an 18 out of 30 being the highest when first tested in 2016 and now scored a 10 this May. She's in memory care as a result.
Best of luck to you......this is tough stuff, I know

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Midkid58 Jul 2019
There's no set 'schedule' for dementia. usually if you think someone is deteriorating, they probably are.

One my HUGE frustrations with my sibs is that I KNOW mother has dementia and since I have (until very recently) been involved in her care, have noticed the definite slip slide.....the other sibs see/talk to her for 15 minutes a month, maybe and she can showboat that long.

IMHO, people just more like themselves as time goes on, Sweet people get sweeter, ornery ones get more grouchy.

Glad she's not driving!
Tluther Jul 2019
My concern is that she can fool the doctor. At her next appointment I will either call and give them a heads up or go with her.
Geaton777 Jul 2019
Ditto to comments below: also you may not need to pay an attorney for basic important paperwork. I used LegalZoom.com to download the template for Durable Power of Attorney, Will, Medical Directive, etc. (for your specific state). You should be checking on her more often now that you know something's not right. Does she still drive? If so, I would drive with her to see if she should still be. She could get disoriented and become lost on the road. Or worse.

That's enough for now. Check back for more suggestions when you've gotten the initial medical and legal stuff in process. Good luck!
Tluther Jul 2019
Thankfully when we moved here last year she sold her car, so one less thing to worry about.
AlvaDeer Jul 2019
Answers below are perfect. See the doctor; simple tests can tell a lot. You are descriptive and you seem to understand what is happening. Time to do all the paperwork for POA and for both financial and health care. Some of the things you describe are not unusual for her, but you are correctly seeing and evaluating what is not normal for her, and things will not be getting better. Physical along with mental checkup; be sure urinalysis is done.

NYDaughterInLaw Jul 2019
This is not normal aging. She needs to be seen by a geriatrician or geriatric nurse practitioner. And you need to get an attorney to put her important paperwork - will, living will, DNR, POA both medical and financial - in order before she's no longer cognitively able to understand and sign for herself.

anonymous912123 Jul 2019
I would take her in for a complete checkup and ask her doctor for a referral for a neurologist. Dementia is a very tricky disease, seems that everyone behaves a little differently.

Franklin2011 Jul 2019
I would see her doctor.

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