When I inform them of major health issues: she can no longer use both hands at tasks or will fall over, shingles , new aortic aneurysm diagnosis, they still don't visit her regularly. They (3 sons) all live within 5 miles. Only one visits weekly. The others go months without seeing her. Even the good son who visits doesn't make sure she stays on her oxygen, uses the bathroom, drinks her minimum water if I go away and need him to cover for a few hours. We hire a CNA if we go anywhere overnight. She is on hospice and lives in our home. We have been caring for her for 3 and a half years, hospice only the last 6 months. The only thing that takes off my plate is bathing and driving to most Dr appointments. I'm not asking them to change diapers or anything, just visit her at least weekly. I'm just her daughter in law, but it makes me angry and resentful toward them. I always roll out the red carpet when they do visit, tell them to help themselves and her to anything in the fridge or pantry. I feel like they only want to know when the Dr. finally says "Call the family home."
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I think Hospice allows for respite time? You may not need to hire someone Hospice may provide a CNA?
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what helped me was to stop expecting anything. I could not change other people, only my reaction.
create a “newsletter” style email. Drop it off to all of them via a mailing list. In that way each will get the same info, know that everyone else got it too, and that it was all done with little to no personal touch. Helps you to keep your distance from them yet still provide info to all.
as I only had the one brother, it was a very straight up facts only email. Helped me to keep emotional distance from him. It was that or I was going to turn into the screaming bit*h.