My mother it's in the end stages of COPD (she is still smoking) and because the doctors could do no more for her lungs they called in hospice. She is getting weaker but is showing no signs of immediate death.
I've only been married for 5 months and I currently live in another state but came home to take care of my mom.
She expects me to leave my husband and take care of her indefinitely. She says my husband does not need me and he's perfectly fine living alone and that she needs me to take care of her. I've been waiting on her hand and foot. She bosses me around, often condemns me and in the past whatever I've done for her it has never been good enough. She even told her friends that was a terrible daughter because I didn't previously go to her every bec and call. (I was a widow myself working a full-time job trying to take care of my two youngest now 20 + 23)
I do love my Mom very much and of course I want to take care of her but I also don't want to abandon my marriage. She tells me, "Fine, if you want to go home to your husband then my granddaughter will take care of me!" I can't do that to my daughter. She has two little ones under three and she can't do it neither and I won't let her because it's my responsibility.
I feel such extreme guilt! I want to take care of my mother but I also don't want to leave my husband hanging on for an indefinite amount of time.
I was going to take her home with me but after reading many horror stories of 24/7 care with demanding parents I knew there was no way I could put my husband through this.
My mom has been a good mother and grandmother for the past 30 years but when I was a child and teenager she always put her husband's first before me and I always took the back burner. Now she wants me to give up my marriage to take care of her and I find it very unfair and I'm angry. She lived a very full life, taking vacations and going out having no worries with her last husband who she was with for over 30 years but now she is sad and making me feel guilty because I want to spend time living my life with my wonderful husband. I'm 53.
She has plenty of money to get in home care but she wants me to do everything. I'm a Christian woman and I know your spouse comes first but yet you are supposed to honor your mother and father. The guilt consumes me. I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. I would love to have any advice from those who have experienced similar issues.. Thank you