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StoneMan Asked March 2019

I just need someone to say I'm not going crazy...

My mom is 87 and is under the care of a temporary guardian. The past year my mom has accused me of stealing many things from her house. She actually hired a lawyer (under the influence of my sister) and has threatened to sue me. This guardian now is asking me if I would be willing to take a night shift to save my mother money. My wife and I were the primary care givers for 18 months until we couldn't take the accusations anymore. Now mom pays for the 24 hour care. Also the guardian has asked for help around the house - fixing things. When I come over there to fix things - mom gets upset that things in her house need to be fixed. Am I crazy for not wanting to go over to my mom's house alone or being put in this position of fixing things for her?

Countrymouse Mar 2019
I think I can help, here.

Even if you were right now rolling around on the ground guffawing like a hysterical buffalo, I would still not agree that you were crazy.

I am gobsmacked that anyone has the gall to expect you to expose yourself to further accusations and heartbreak in order to save other people money and trouble.

Maintain social contact with your mother in ways that completely insulate you from any conceivable suspicion - visit her in the presence of the guardian, send her cards and flowers, whatever is a nice thing to do that can't possibly open up more cans of worms.

And maybe later, when this phase of your mother's dementia has passed, in the fullness of time; if there are other ways you can help you can reconsider on an ad hoc basis whether you want to. But now? As things are?

They have got to be kidding.
valeriewalsh Mar 2019
Great answer. Yes, this is dementia, a very difficult matter to deal with.
499HopeFloats Mar 2019
Um, for $28K a month you get the taj mahal of memory care/snf. You just tell that guardian that placing mom in a beautiful facility would certainly save some money, especially when that house that needs so much upkeep gets sold.

And that is an option that the guardian can implement for their ward’s benefit.

:D
DILKimba Mar 2019
Exactly! Well said! I about choked when I saw that $28K

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DesertGrl53 Mar 2019
Oh, my! Dear StoneMan, in my opinion you would have to be crazy as a loon to ever step foot back in that house under ant circumstances, even with a witness. If something "turned up missing," it may be said that you and your witness were in on the theft together. I agree with others here who suggest that you send your LO the occasional flower, card, gift, box of candy, singing telegram, teddy bear or whatever, but save yourself and your sanity by doing it all from a distance. Once bitten, twice shy, right? Being alone in that house at night is nuts, a trap. I wouldn't do it, and I'm betting you are *not* crazy enough to do it. Your instincts are good, trust them! 😉
HVsdaughter Mar 2019
👍Yup. What Des said. 100%.
worriedinCali Mar 2019
No you aren’t crazy at all. The guardian is barking up the wrong tree in my opinion. What would be crazy would be for you to step back in to the picture and assume these duties. I wouldn’t even worry about a lawsuit or accusations, your mom has clearly been deemed incompetent since she has a guardian. Plus there has to be PROOF of wrong doing.

BarbBrooklyn Mar 2019
You're being taken advantage of. You are not crazy.

CTTN55 Mar 2019
Who is the temporary guardian?

I read your past posts, and you and your wife did way too much for this woman (and your wife stayed at the house for 15 hours at a time to take care of her???).

Tell the guardian NO to "taking a night shift" to save your mother money. Don't wade back into the muck!

Isthisrealyreal Mar 2019
Now that I have picked my jaw off the ground, I would say that your sister and mom's guardian are crazy and have lost their minds completely to think you would put yourself in danger again.

They have told you what they feel by threatening you with a lawsuit, believe them and run, don't walk the other way.

Send mom cards and little gifts of love but only visit when you know you can not be falsely accused. We live in a society that accusations ruin lives, don't let yourself be another victim to this psychosis.
StoneMan Mar 2019
thank you for this response.
golden23 Mar 2019
No, you are not crazy. You are protecting yourself. Keep your distance, Let your sis , the lawyer and the temp guardian figure things out without your involvement. Staying out of this toxic mess is your best decision. Good luck.

JoAnn29 Mar 2019
I read ur last post from April 2018. At that time you were POA. You don't have to answer but why is a tempory guardian involved, because of Moms accusations that you were stealing? If so, then he/she has a lot of nerve asking you to do night shift. Tell her its OK with you that all Moms money is used up for her care. That sister seems to worry about "Moms money" so ask her to spend the night. Tell the guardian to hire someone to "fix things" That under the circumstances you think she/he has a lot of nerve asking. That Mom needs to be in an AL ( probably would cost the same as 24/7 care in the home) then the house can be sold for her care. No taxes insurance or upkeep. That you will not be entering Moms house without having an impartial witness there with you. That you put in 18 months caring for her (wife spending 15 hrs a day there) only to be accused by Mom and Sis of stealing. No sorry, not that stupid. Please, don't take the bait, no good deed goes unpunished. You really don't need the stress of waiting for the "ball to drop" and it will. Your sister will find something.
StoneMan Mar 2019
I applied for guardianship of my mom and the judge appointed a professional guardian in the meantime.  My mom was only getting 8 hours of care a day after we stopped taking care of her. We knew she needed more and that's why. My sister took mom to a new attorney and now she is POA. Guardian now is paying for 24 hour care and other things. They just ask for help - which I am going - why are you putting me through this again. By the way mom is paying $28,000 a month for home care.
cherokeegrrl54 Mar 2019
After reading every response on this thread....PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM THIS SITUATION!!!!! Why would you even consider going back to that place?? Please consider your sister and so-called guardian are up to whats best for them, not your mother and certainly not you! Tell them under NO circumstances will you do anything more.....as others have said, and im sure u love your mom, love her from afar!! Please dont put yourself or your wife thru anymore drama concerning your mom....love and blessings to you!!
HVsdaughter Mar 2019
👍Yup. What Cher said. 100%.
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