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Patience13 Asked July 2018

I am shocked at Dad's behavior. Should I just let his care home deal with it?

It's been quiet for a short while.  I just found out my father is masturbating and calling staff in. They had a doctor in who refused to medicate him till he has seen mental heath services. At age 92!!! Doctor asked him loads of the usual questions: date, where he is, date of birth. He could answer them all. Despite that, the nursing staff and I are convinced there is some dementia. Hard to cope with this if he had not got dementia. I am just so shocked at his behaviour. Do you all agree I should just let the care home deal with it? If not, any suggestions?

Countrymouse Aug 2018
Ali, only yesterday I was talking to my lovely SIL about her father's cousin, who is 86 and a poppet, and apparently he has just returned from a week's trip to the seaside "with Amanda."

"Who the heck's Amanda?"

"Oh, have you not heard about Amanda?"

Turns out Amanda is living proof that there is life in the old dog yet.

shad250 Jul 2018
He wants a woman to hook up with,
AliBoBali Jul 2018
Do you think he's going to get "a woman to hook up with" at 92 and in a care facility?

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baskethill1 Jul 2018
Honestly i think id just ignore it if he doesnt have a heart problem or something . Just let them deal with it ..im sure they can

Countrymouse Jul 2018
All I can suggest (and I actually just want to hide under my desk) is that you remember that you are shocked at this symptom. As opposed to shocked by your father's behaviour, with any idea of his being responsible.

There might also be some comfort in remembering that he won't be the first resident to do this, nor the last.

For which reason, assuming you normally have confidence in the staff's expertise, yes you should let them deal with it. And do your best to pretend that you are receiving this information, with thanks - ha! -, in the same way you would any other upsetting update about his condition.

An assessment is the right way to go, I just hope they're going to get a move on arranging it. Even if it isn't typical dementia it's definitely *something* and it needs investigation.

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