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cgxctf Asked July 2018

How do I handle a request to “go home”?

My mother is 88 and frequently decides she wants to “ go home”. I am her son and we live in the house where I grew up and has been her home for 57 years. She “doesn’t want to stay in this house, I’m afraid here and I want to go home!” There have been times we’ve driven around then gone back home and that satisfies her. But more and more that isn’t working, and her demands are becoming more frequent. It is becoming very frustrating to me and frankly I may be experiencing “burnout”.

freqflyer Jul 2018
cgxctf, many times when an elder says they "want to go home", the home is their childhood home where life was simple, fun, and easy.

I remember my Mom was saying this and at first I thought it was the house that she and my Dad had shared. Then clues started to become part of those conversation. Such as she was wondering if she can visit her parents today. Well, my Mom was 98 at the time, so I had to quickly use a therapeutic fib by saying "your parents went to visit the old country", "maybe we can visit when they return". My Mom had accepted that answer.

wally003 Jul 2018
I think its frustrating whether its a question about going home or any repeated question. and I know how you feel. its so hard.

my mom can ask ~different~ questions MULTIPLE TIMEs
you may find your mom stops asking about home, and then start on a new "thing"

my mom Is 88 too. will be 89 in October.

its hard not to lose your patience and you wonder why ME :(

the only thing I can say is try to keep her busy with something else. its tiresome for sure. coloring books. music. puzzles. counting pennies. folding towels. I have even cut and paste from magazines with my mom. we take walks and pick up leaves. I take her out to the Dollar Tree. she likes looking at all that stuff. and she can pick up some things and feels like shes shopping.

my mom lives in AL facility and I visit her for about 4 hours twice a week sometimes more. and then my sister goes once a week. we spread visits out over the week.

when I visit she can start in on her "thing" of the day.

without explaining too much my mom went thru a paranoid time and started making up stories that didn't really happen. She was able to see a geriatric dr that prescribed her a Low dose anti-depressant rx. It seems to have helped her, because it seems to calm her mind so she is not obsessing over and over. oh and my moms short term memory is less than a minute or a pinch more (or a pinch less) :)

edit. if you haven't had her seen by her physician lately or even a geriatric dr I would say maybe to check that out.

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