We're having a get together at our house. What to do with Mom?


We are having friends over on Saturday for a picnic. Mom lives with us, and I know that Mom is not going to want to be there. Is it better for me to make her stay or to let her go up to her room. She has dementia, can't hear well, and can't see. I'm inclined to let her go up to her room and give her dinner up there. She knows the people coming, but I'm sure she doesn't remember them. It'll be 6 additional people in the house. She really doesn't do well in situations that are loud and confusing to her.

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My mom doesn't really enjoy big groups..too hard to follow the conversation.. Let her go up to her room. If your company knows. her, they could drop in on her and visit one on one...
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Ann2710

JoAnn29, That's what I think too. I think I'll have her eat with us and then let her go upstairs to her room. It's going to be too cold to be outside, so we'll be inside and able to hear anything that goes on.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Reader83

My Mom was good for about an hour. It's too confusing for them.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Your mom sounds like my mom. She doesn't like crowds, noisy places, talkative people, and many other things.

I think your mom will be more comfortable in her room rather than a room full of "strangers." She can come down and stay as long as she wants then go back.

If she wants, perhaps your guests can come up to her room, a few at a time, to visit with her a bit, so she doesn't feel left out and ignored.

More importantly, enjoy your get together. For me, it is a rare treat. Have a wonderful time.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to polarbear

Thanks for your support. Yes, my mom is nearly blind, but she goes up and down the steps by herself all the time. We have a stair lift for her, but she refuses to use it. I'll let mom decide what to do, and I'm sure she'll want to be out of the way. I just continue to feel guilty that I can't get her to participate in things, but she appears to be very content to sit quietly. I certainly will go up and check on her once in a while to make sure she's OK.
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Reply to Reader83

If your mom is the type to ruin your party with demands for attention you might want to hire a sitter for her.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to cwillie

You answered your own question. Let mom have lunch in her room. I see my mom embarrassed in a small crowd or stressed from the activities.
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Reply to HolidayEnd

Have a private dinner (even if you only eat a little bit) with her either before or after, but let her stay in her room (as long as she's safe being alone).

I'm concerned though that she "can't see", and that her room is "up". Is she blind? Is her room on the second floor? I'd be concerned about leaving her there all alone while a picnic is taking place.

If the picnic is outdoors, can she just stay in one of the rooms on the first floor? And how would she communicate if she's alone but needed help? I'd address these issues as well.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to GardenArtist

You’ve pretty much answered your own question. Mom could stay to greet everyone, even if she doesn’t know who they are, and then retire to her room. I remember my daughter’s wedding shower at our house where my mom sat in a corner and said absolutely nothing to anyone. I was very angry with her, but as time has gone on, I realize it was wrong of me to insist she be there. It was uncomfortable for her, for me, our guests, and accomplished nothing. When everyone is gone and your home is quiet again, show her photos you may have taken during the afternoon, share some funny stories, bring her a snack of the picnic food and sit with her for a while. Sending wishes for great weather!
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Ahmijoy