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concerned151 Asked June 2018

Removing sister from POA?

My sister is POA over my parents (age 86 and 88) Sis took parents to a lawyer when she knew my dad was showing signs of dementia but would not allow him to go to Dr until she had a will and trust and POA made out last year. In this past year bills are left unpaid. income taxes were not made out in time for 2016 so parents had a penalty and lost STARR program on house. 2017 taxes have not been filed yet. Brother in law has taken over my dad's truck while my parents pay for insurance. Sis and BIL changed the address on bills or beat parents to mailbox taking dividends, bank statements etc. My parents have an income property that SIS will inherent but she is having tenant make rent check out to her. SIS has taken over $11,000. out of DAD"S IRA and deposited into an account that is not shared with my parents. SIS will not allow my parents to have food from a store, she goes to a food pantry for their food and it is mostly snacks and sugary items when my dad is a diabetic. BIL gave my dad expired milk from a food pantry and Dad was in hospital for 2 days with dehydration from vomiting. Mom has called me countless times crying, begging me for help. I contacted lawyer with Mom. Mom wanted SIS to be accountable for money missing...mom wanted the lawyer to ask for a year end audit as if he was checking into it. The lawyer through Mom under the bus saying he spoke to Mom and she wants the statement of where the 3 withdrawals were deposited totaling over $11 thousand etc. The lawyer also mentioned the truck needed to be removed from my parents insurance and rental income would be SIS"s eventually but not now. SIS and BIL showed up at parents house like raging maniacs. First SIS was screaming and next she was playing on parents sympathy saying she was going to be arrested and afraid. Mom make the mistake of telling SIS she was changing POA and now SIS is bullying her, saying if she changes it she will never speak to them again. SIS and BIL do stop at parents house daily to give dad his meds I will give them that. SIS and BIL can't handle money. SIS has filed bankruptcy 3 times that I know of. BIL owes IRS $500.000.00. I feel powerless. BIL has stolen cash from mom's hiding spots. BIL is an alcoholic, gambler and smoker. BIL even stole money from SIS's purse when she was in hospital in a coma. How can we not sever family but remove POA??? Please Help

concerned151 Jun 2018
The lawyer didn't say anything other than she should not be acting as POA yet.

97yroldmom Jun 2018
What did your lawyer say your mom should do about Sister acting as POA when she isn’t?!!

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Countrymouse Jun 2018
Call APS and tell them exactly what you've told us.

concerned151 Jun 2018
Update: I took Mom to the lawyer and she removed SIS from POA. Mom is a nervous wreck about SIS carrying out her threats to disown her. The lawyer said SIS called a week ago and had Dad tell him leave everything is fine, leave everything as is (keeping SIS as his POA) The lawyer said while he had SIS and BIL on phone he asked them straight forward questions: Where is the money you withdrew from IRA, How much rent was generated from rental, how much were expenses? The lawyer said SIS and BIL could not give me answers, he said "they make me nervous". That tells me he knows they are acting illegally but with SIS putting Dad on phone to keep POA, there is nothing the lawyer can do. The lawyer did say that SIS should not even be acting as POA because the paper reads that POA for dad first it is MOM, then SIS. Can I do something with this new info? Any suggestions? HELP

HolidayEnd Jun 2018
From what I understand, YOU can go to court and get guardianship over your parents. It will cost you plenty. But you seem like you’re the only decent child your parents raised.

Lawyer up because this can’t be done nicely. But hey. Who cares? You want to protect your parents? Call around and get the best Geri lawyer in the state! I’m an only child myself and have been thankful for that since I was three years old. And NOBODY is going to mess with my parents! I have extended family members messing around in our business! I also have a spy who keeps me informed.

If this is all true as you say, sis and bil belong in jail.

Jeanie50 Jun 2018
Call your mom or dads primary care dr. Ask them to have a social worker call you. They will listion and help.

concerned151 Jun 2018
Mom did not go to see lawyer when she requested an audit, it was verbal on speaker phone. BIL is pulling all the strings..I drop off vitamins and BIL disposes of them saying Dad can't have them there is caffeine in it etc. Mom needs hearing aids and SIS says no cuz she bought dad a burial plot. There are 5 kids, she never consulted anyone. Other siblings don't want to get involved in family squabbles but I think they need to step up and protect our parents.

fightingforus Jun 2018
I have faith that family will get together and work it out if they can manage to keep the communication open. I care for a grandparent and when my needs are left hanging resentment builds. Its not their fault or grandparents, they don't see my side and clearly when there is no communication then nobody is in the light of truth. I feel for you all and hope that you can work through this without ugliness. I feel that my family is capable, I'll try for the third time to open the lines of communication but will cross my fingers that the timing and priority go with everyones schedule. Accomodationg time to talk when everyone is tight lipped and separated by miles is not helping matters. Good health and good luck

Countrymouse Jun 2018
Did you accompany your mother when she went to see her lawyer?

Your mother does not need anybody's permission to revoke her own POA and to notify all relevant service providers that this has been done.

Get your parents a lockable mailbox and do something to make sure your mother doesn't share the keys.

Depending on what sort of POA your father gave to your sister, and whether or not your father is deemed incompetent, it may be possible to get his revoked too. It may not, though; in which case you will have to go through official channels to get your sister removed from her position of trust, and it is going to get painful.

But when wanting to protect your parents and wanting to be nice come into conflict, which are you going to put first?

If the allegations you have just made about your BIL are true, then you need some kind of protection order and you need him out of your parents' lives. Don't you? I'm sorry if that will be hard and upsetting for your sister, but seriously. What's your option?

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