Dementia: does it get better?

Sounds like you can stand still and let the legal system deal with your mother. If your brother will not take over and even if he does, I'd ask your primary care doctor for some anti-anxiety meds so to calm you down enough to see a therapist and work through being in bondage to these emotions. Just a suggestion and a typical short term use of meds.

Because of my mother's actions throughout this process (she is under investigation by Adult Protective Services), if I give up the responsibility, it will go to a neutral, court appointed conservator. I think I prefer that. As much as I agree with cmagnum, everything just sends my anxiety through the roof. My brother is co-conservator; maybe he'll just take over.

If you are unable to fulfill your responsibilities as conservator, you should file a petition with the court and ask that you be relieved. They will appoint another conservator, perhaps not a family member.

xiomy00,

From what you have shared, it sounds like you are the person both in legal control and charge of your dad despite what he says or your narcissistic mother wants. I think that I would be very rather of fact with them and refuse to buy into their attempts to drag you into an argument. Sounds like the court has left them with no legal ground to stand on, just emotional. I'd try to detach from the emotional games and just do what needs to be done that the court has authorized you to do. They will just have to build a bridge and get over it.

It was an involuntary conservatorship.

I'd consult with an attorney in your jurisdiction, but, normally, if a court orders it, it can't be changed unless by another court order. People can't just make the change unilaterally or even if the two of you agree. It still has to go before the court that ordered it. If it wasn't court ordered, it may be different. I'd get a legal opinion to confirm that I was complying with my duties.

It is permanent.

What kind of conservatorship is this, from you question it sounds as though it may have been an emergency temporary measure, which means it could be rescinded if dad has improved.

Does he need a doctor to certify he's ok?

Your father, I believe, would have to go to court to have the conservatorship reversed.

But, legally, can he take away conservatorship?

Yes it will get worse. Read the articles here about it. I would back off and take care of self and marriage. I don't think your dad can overcome your being given conservatorship over him by the court. You may be trying to explain something to someone who is no longer capable of reasoning. Stand strong and do what needs to be done.