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faith2015 Asked September 2017

My stepmom no longer wants to care for my dad. What should I do?

My dad is 87 years old and currently in the hospital but alert.

gladimhere Sep 2017
How old is mom? Perhaps she has her own health issues and is not able to provide for his increased level of care needs? She has to take care of herself too or she will be no good to anyone.

jeannegibbs Sep 2017
What level of care did your father need before he went into the hospital? What was the cause of his hospitalization? Is he going to need the same level of care when he is discharged, or more?

A hospital stay or any serious health event is often what triggers a new decision by caregivers. It is sometimes the final straw that makes them decide they can no longer provide the same level of care. What does your father's wife want to see happen for his care? Does she think he should be in a nursing home, for example? What level of care do his doctors say he needs? What are your dad's own wishes?

Can his wife handle the arrangements for his care? Can she deal with the finances, for example? Apply for Medicaid if that is necessary? Find a care center? Or will she need help with these tasks?

Who is financial POA, and healthcare POA? What has your role been in your father's life, since he remarried? Do you have siblings?

What you "should do" could range anywhere from take over all decisions, to help his wife with her plans for him, to stay out of it entirely. There really isn't enough information here for us to give advice.

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CarlaCB Sep 2017
What do you mean, she doesn't want to care for him? She doesn't want him to come home? She wants him to go to a nursing home? She wants him to come home but wants other people to come in to take care of him?

Is your Dad expected to be discharged from the hospital to home? What are the options, if your stepmother doesn't want this? Do they have money to provide a care home for him? Is he impaired enough to be eligible for Medicaid, and are their finances such that Medicaid would be a feasible options?

If you are asking whether you should bring him to live with you, that would be an absolute last resort. And, there's no way to address that without knowing a lot more about his condition, your situation, and your relationship with him.

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