Is honesty the best policy? - AgingCare.com

Is honesty the best policy?

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Sometimes I can be very blunt. Not tip toe around what is happening with mom. Guess dealing with it daily, makes dementia seem normal. Sad..
How would you go about updating family members on health issues with family members that are live far away?

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"Mom would rather I not share anything with anyone..." I think you have to respect her wishes. You also know that by giving information to that "one" who pushes back that you are going to get unwanted opinions. What people want is not always what they're entitled to get. If they want to know what is going on with your mother they should visit her and see for themselves.
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Thank You for all your responses. JessieBelle, siblings are long distance, I do keep all family members informed online, when something major comes up. Usually get a lot of supportive words and Thank You. Barbrooklyn, there is always one that seems to give push back. "Not always the same one" Mostly one in particular. Cdnreader & Blainne, Some have personal experience, and others have no clue, or denial. Mom would rather I not share anything with anyone, out of respect to family members, I feel that I am obligated to share major changes. Not all the daily little things, If I was not living close, I know I would want the updates. I am doing well dealing with being moms caregiver. So far no burnout. Nor do I want empathy or sympathy from my siblings. The most difficult part is when they want me to take away meds, change diet, change respite help, you know dictating to me. It's an honor and pleasure for me to be able to be here for my mom. I thank you again. Guess I needed to vent...
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I think it depends on how close you or your mom are to each family member. I told my cousin everything about mom because she had gone through something similar with her mom (mom's sister). We were a source of great support for each other. Other family members who weren't as close would just get a general "mom's having some memory issues" type statements with very general updates. I didn't need or want empathy or sympathy from them because they weren't there all of the time like my cousin was.

I'd write mom's Christmas letters and include a picture. Mom could no longer do that kind of thing. So I say it depends on your relationship with each member and also what your mom's style of "sharing" has been.
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Dear CaregiverBoone,

Sorry to hear about your mom's condition. I would try and protect your mom's privacy and maybe not go into too much detail. I have to agree with Jessie we can say the same thing but more gently using different words. When people asked me about my dad, I would say its a challenge, its a struggle, or he is really grumpy today, but not go into very specific details. Its good at least the family is interested and want to stay informed though.
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I believe there is a site called "Caring Bridge". I've never used it; I just would send a group email to cousins about mom. All of my cousins had dealt with parents with dementia, so I was able to say things like "sadly, this summer, mom seems to believe that she has leprosy; we are dealing with this as best we can". They were always sympathetic.

Are you expecting "bad" advice or pushback from family if you post the naked truth?
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What you could do is either use social media, e.g. Facebook, with a family group and pictures. Or you could use email with copies going to each family member you want to update. Both would be simple. I wouldn't be too blunt. There are usually more than one way to say things and get across the same message.
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