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UnhappySu Asked January 2017

Can I obtain the ashes of my mother?

My mother died last August, only found out last week of her death! Her carer registered her death and put her name on the death certificate as her daughter! I have contacted the registry office who are now investigating the matter. She had my mother cremated without the family knowing and cleaned out her bank accounts and policies. I would like to know how can we get my mum's ashes?

pamstegma Jan 2017
You made no contact from sometime before August until January? So I am guessing this caregiver is punishing you for that by keeping the ashes. I say let it go. One of life's lessons.

UnhappySu Jan 2017
I live in the UK. The carer only knew my mother for 4 months. Members of my mother had seen her before she died. I have been told that she is the legal owner of my mother's ashes. We can only get them back if we can proof that she isn't my mother's daughter. I need to get her date of birth, but I don't know her dob. I think she may have been born in Turkey. If we can't get this information then she can keep the ashes and her name can stay on my mum's death certificate.

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freqflyer Jan 2017
UnhappySu, may I ask what County you are from?   Here in the United States, it is either a Hospice doctor or the County Coroner who signs off on the death certificate, which is registered with the State.   Heirs are not listed on the document.

How often did the family visit Mom... did the caregiver even know there was a family?   If the caregiver had no information, and if your Mom didn't mention children and/or relatives, maybe the caregiver thought Mom had no one.

How long was the caregiver with your Mom?   It could be a case where if no one from the family was visiting or calling, that your Mom changed her Will to give everything to this caregiver.   Just a thought.

As for the ashes, some people request that when they die that their ashes be scattered at a favorite place of theirs.   Or the urn could be buried in a cemetery and depending on your area, usually it takes a court order to have the grave opened up. 

pamstegma Jan 2017
Contact the Cremation Association of North America. They maintain a database of ashes and who has them. 499 Northgate Parkway, Wheeling, IL 60090-2646 - phone: 312-245-1077 - fax: 312-321-4098 - cremationassociation.org

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