My mom (84) has dementia and Alzheimer's but we cannot afford to keep her in assisted Living. What do we do?

Apply for Medicaid for her. Remember the 5 year lookback.

Sounds like she should be moved to a regular nursing home so she'd have adequate care. You could visit her, and take her home for an occasional short visit! If her income is really low--Medicaid should pay for it.

Daycare sounds good if it's an all day thing. Mom was picked up at 8am and dropped off at 2:30. If I had worked I would have needed someone there when she was left off. Cost was $78 a day. Mom received breakfast and lunch. The also gave her a shower for me. If Mom is short on money Medicaid may pay the cost or partial.

I think this forum has some pretty amazing people responding and experience is so underrated. This is a heart wrenching decision but the Medicaid route worked for my Mom and has 60 hours in home care, but she is cognitive while still a fall risk. Ask your local area on aging for direction and criteria for HCBS waiver.

You need to communicate with your siblings because this should not be on your shoulders alone. Some siblings like to go in hiding when the going gets tough which is sad. Maybe having a third party call a family meeting to discuss your mom's care. Would that be possible?

My mother has been in the same boat for about 10 years. Most Medicaid programs like ours in California, Medi-Cal, have stiff requirements for assets. My mom could not have any more than $2000 in the bank and no more than about $900 a month in Social Security income or any other income combined. Some health costs can offset that income though. What we ended up doing in two different locations is finding an assisted living home that lowered Their fees to accommodate her, because she really was not ready for a nursing home. Have you tried doing that where she lives? There is also a program out in many states called the assisted living waiver program that can actually allow her to stay where she is if it qualifies. Or you can find another assisted living place that belongs to that program. Good luck!

I'm sorry about your mothers situation. Having no where to go is scary. Try medicaid, they will pay for a place for her. Good luck.

Daycare is an excellent idea, and cheaper than in-home care. Make sure they are set up to care for someone with your mother's needs.

Contact the social worker where she is now. Explain the situation, that she needs 24/7 care but you can not afford where she is now. The social worker can check resources for you, help apply for Medicaid and if she has been where she is for a while she may be able to stay or they can help find a facility that will take Medicaid. Many places will keep longtime residents once they go on medicaid particularly if they have been private pay for a while.

Perhaps she should be in an NH. How does she pay for that? Answer=by applying for Medicaid.

Do you think your mother would qualify for placement in a nursing facility? If she would, then you could apply for help from Medicaid for her care. Talk to her doctor about this and see what he or she thinks.

Something else you can do is talk to your county's area on aging. It is often part of the Dept. of Human Services. See if they could arrange for a social worker to access your mother's needs and locate resources for her. A good social worker will know about places and programs that will be a help for your mother.

Many people are in the same boat as you are. Elder care is so expensive and most cannot quit their jobs to do it. I hope you are able to find resources for her care.

Perhaps look into getting her qualified for Medicaid to pay for a facility
In the meantime look into a daycare program for her while you're at work
Contact your county area agency on aging for resources and referrals