I have POA for healthcare for mom and wanting to move. How do I tell siblings?

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ataloss14 Asked September 2016

I have POA for healthcare for mom and wanting to move. How do I tell siblings?

Has anyone else experienced this? I am the sole POA /healthcare for mom as well as her primary caregiver. We have lived together for 2 yrs. She is 92 and reasonably healthy, some dementia/alzheimers going on. I have 4 siblings, one lives in the same town and is retired . The other 3 do not. I am wanting to move within the state, 4 hrs away. My younger sister lives there and I would get much help with mom. Currently I get no help with mom and it's getting more difficult doing its alone. I'm wondering how is the best way to handle "breaking the news" to the other siblings that I intend to move Mom. I'm trying to balance this and still be considerate to their feelings, realizing I cannot let them dictate to me what I should or shouldn't do. Any suggestions?

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score 0 · Answer 1

Thank you all so much for your advice. Ive been struggling with it for a while now and i do agree, ive got to do what i feel is best for the both of us in terms of her long term care. Staying where we are currently is not going to get better and has become more difficult with her moms changing needs. Again, thank you! I appreciate this site so much.

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score 1 · Answer 2

If you have legal authority to make decisions for mom, then, I'd say something like, "I have great news. Mom and I are moving to ___. And ________ will be helping with her care, since we will be so close to her. It's really a godsend. We're moving the first of the month. If you want to help me, please show up with some boxes and a truck." Then, I'd let it go. I wouldn't expect to hear much else about it.

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score 2 · Answer 3

Just wondering what your mother thinks of the move - is she still cognativly aware enough to have an opinion regarding this move?

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score 2 · Answer 4

Yes; you should notify sibs and let them know why you are doing so; as in "best for both mom's wellbeing and best long term solution for her care and the 'caregiver(s)' balance for mom's care and their own family's time and commitment.

If you are her primary caregive or care manager now; then they should respect you and your family's needs. If they want to step up to the plate and make the decisions, then you should be prepared to let other sibs play a role in her care -- but I doubt they will offer to take over.

Do whats best for you and mom regardless of sibs opinions.

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score 3 · Answer 5

And you are moving your mother to be closer to another sister, who coincidentally would also be able to offer more practical help, yes? So from your mother's point of view what she loses on the swings she will gain on the roundabouts?

Yes of course you should notify them! But only as the kind of ordinary courtesy that you'd offer them if you were just moving yourself, mother or no mother, yes?

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score 0 · Answer 6

The one sister that lives here tries desperately to micromanage me and mom and i dont allow it. She doesnt do this out of concern for mom..she just incredibly nosey. She will even come over to the house when she knows im gone and question mom about what Im doing. There is not really a good reason for anyone to object. Im just trying to determine whether i should give them the courtesy of notifying them.

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score 1 · Answer 7

Why should they object?

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I have POA for healthcare for mom and wanting to move. How do I tell siblings?

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