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DivineM Asked November 2015

My Mother (78) with dementia has recently broke her hip. How can I be paid for this?

She broke her hip and it had caused her memory to worsen, she hates being alone due to the fact that shes afraid of falling again. I'm 16 and have been taking care of her, house work, cooking etc, I had to be put on independent studies and was wondering how I can get paid to help with household and animal needs since her family is responsible with her money and cant always be there to provide us a few bucks when we need something

jeannegibbs Nov 2015
I don't know the circumstances of your adoption, but I'm pretty darn sure it was not done to provide care in your mother's old age at your expense! If you mom was still in her right mind I'll bet she would be appalled at what the family is expecting of you. Maybe your family is as selfish as they sound, or maybe they are in denial that Mom really needs as much care as she does. But whatever their problem is, Mom's care should NOT fall on your young shoulders.

You say you are doing independent studies. Did you talk to a school counselor to get that arranged? Does the counselor understand your home situation? I would expect her or him to help you DO SOMETHING to fix the situation. If you haven't been completely candid with a school counselor, I'd try that next.

And I fully agree that both child protective services and adult protective services should be contacted, by you or by a school counselor on your behalf.

There are financial benefits for people with chronic illnesses such as dementia who cannot afford the care they need. It shouldn't be your job to locate and apply for those benefits -- APS should take over that task if none of your older relatives are willing to do that. No matter how bright and mature you are, that is not a job for a schoolgirl.

If you mother adopted you to give you a better life, then this is NOT what she wanted for you. By taking some action to get the situation corrected you will be helping her achieve her intentions for you.

anonymous281963 Nov 2015
Do you have a telephone book? In the front few pages is the number for child protective services. Call them. I agree with Gladimhere. Call them.
Are you okay?

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anonymous281963 Nov 2015
Please go into 'Edit Account' and edit out your location, and any other personal information, a.s.a.p. For your safety.
Can either R.N. become your guardian and get you out of there?
Otherwise, they could not only be brought up on charges of elder neglect (their mother); but could be charged with child endangerment and breaking child labor laws. That info should equalize anything they are threatening you with to keep you a captive slave in your mother's house. You know this is just wrong, don't you? You are not responsible for this mess.
You can start an adoptive search to find your birth Mom. If there are no records, it is more likely that one of her daughters is your birth mother and she is (mom is) your grandmother. Or, you could have been kidnapped, even. These scenarios are not likely, but you need to feel free to go to the school administrator or a teacher who is a mandated reporter and can help you. We don't allow slavery in the U.S. This is so much more than you have asked about. What country were you born in, do you know?
Hope everything works out for you.

anonymous281963 Nov 2015
The family could board the animals for your mother.
Please do not post any private contact information. Your age, location, and e-mail is enough to bring predators running. Suggest you change your account, new name, new avatar, avoid stating your age at all. Re-submit your question in another way. This is still a public forum, and what you did is unsafe for you.

It is a good thing you have asked for advice. It is a very good thing to know your limitations. Be safe, start over. The administration will take away personal information for you. Age, e-mail, location.

gladimhere Nov 2015
Call Child Protective Services, they will help you get back to school and call Adult Protective Services to find the help your mom needs. I do not have any other suggestions, but wonder how the school system let this happen. Appalling!

pamstegma Nov 2015
Nobody hire aides under the age of 18. BUT if you are still living at home and she in on Medicare SSDI, you could collect also as a dependent child.

DivineM Nov 2015
I asked the same question about how they could allow a elder to adopt a infant, due to things in the future, and thank you for the information about the safety hazards i can do, both brother and sister in laws are rns and i don't understand why they haven't came up with a better living plan but i will talk to them about those ideas , I appreciate you guys taking your time into answering my questions.

DivineM Nov 2015
Yes she is my adoptive mom, and the thing is i've told them i cant be doing this because my schooling went downhill because they dont want to help out, her daughter lives five minutes away and cant even complete a day of helping my mom without getting stressed and fighting with her, the only one whos been able to do it is me, but i understand that holds me back on my schooling and even getting a job. Thank you for your info and actually understanding im not supposed to be doing this.

GardenArtist Nov 2015
I'm really, really surprised that someone 62 years of age could adopt an infant; there would be so many factors to consider, especially the issue of the challenges of caring for someone while sliding into old age.

Maggie made good suggestions. You can't nor should you do this alone. But you can also put anti-fall provisions in place. Ask the family to help locate a carpenter to install grab bars. Remove throw rugs and trip hazards. Get a Medical Alert pendant for her to wear.

Speak with the neighbors if they're willing and reliable to create a backup system whereby they bring her mail and check in on her periodically, or have the family create this kind of plan.

Sunnygirl1 Nov 2015
Is this your mother or grandmother?

Since you are 16 years old, I would suggest you get information on how she may be your parent, but has dementia. She may not be able to be responsible for you. I'm not sure it's legal for you to be in charge of her care either. In many states, a contract with a minor is not enforceable and there may be rules about child labor law as well. I would think you caring for her would bring too many problems both legal and practical.

I would discuss her care with whoever is in charge and find an adult who can step in and see that both of you get appropriate care and supervision.

MaggieMarshall Nov 2015
Just really curious. She's your adoptive mom?

Nevertheless, it is very unusual that a family member can be paid to care for a family member thru gvmt programs...which I guess is what you're talking about.

If mom can afford to pay you, that's one thing. But even then you should have a care contract so as not to jeopardize mom's ability to get Medicaid benefits.

You're too young. You should be in school, frankly. Tell your family they need to make other arrangements and that YOU need to go to school.

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