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Happy5 Asked November 2015

What should I do when my Mom is bullying other residents in senior apartment?

Mom has always been a very opinionated, 'bossy' person. She is almost 86 years old with severe Osteoporosis, Arthritis, mild Dementia and COPD. She is lives semi-independent in Senior Apartments. It's painfully obvious she picks on, and belittes some of the other residents who have Alzheimer's. I talked with the apartment manager and she is aware of what happens. Her response is "she has seen a lot worse". Do I keep quiet, talk with the Dr, etc.? ANY ADVICE?

MomMandI Nov 2015
I agree with Sunnygirl. My mother does the same, but I have noticed she is not the only one. The manager will let you know if it becomes a problem. My mother has always behaved in such a manner and I've had to learn to separate myself from her emotionally. I have to remember her behavior doesn't reflect my character or behavior. Just remember, those of us who are in your situation and do not judge you nor her. We understand. Those who have not had the opportunity to experience it yet, most likely will. I believe we go through these experiences to teach us compassion for those yet to come.

Happy5 Nov 2015
Two unsuccessful attempt to get Mom into A.L. before moving her to Senior Apartments. Each time I tried to place her in A.L. she became so out of control the facilities said they could not accept her.

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Sunnygirl1 Nov 2015
I always encourage the inquiry into meds if the patient is anxious, depressed, frightened, etc., but if she is just bossy and rude, then I think I would just let it be. If the manager doesn't think it's a problem, then I might just monitor it. What are you afraid of? The other residents may avoid her if they find her comments too abrasive, but maybe that will work out okay.

It's difficult to say how dementia will affect someone. As she progresses, she could grow worse or she might get better and not be as rude. If you were planning to seek a facility to provide her with more care, you might go ahead and do it now. How much longer before she needs more assistance?

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