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deegeebee60 Asked October 2015

Why would a caregiver embellish a story to make it seem as thought she acted all by herself in an emergency situation?

I called 911 for my mother a few nights ago based on symptoms described to me by her caregiver (we were both there at the time). I asked her to ride in the ambulance in case they needed a description of the events she witnessed and I followed. My sister met us there and we all stayed for her to be evaluated. It was just a scare and she was discharged with instructions to follow up with her doctors. Tonight I saw a post by the caregiver on a social media account from that night saying her client was having a heart attack, which was not accurate, and that she and my mother were at the house alone. Again not true, I live with my mom and was most definitely in the home and was the one who called 911. Am I correct in thinking this is odd behavior? Hopefully she is just embellishing the story to make it herself look more important but it is bothersome to me that she is bending the truth. I am mostly just venting but would appreciate any feedback.

OzarkOlly Oct 2015
I think you have every right to be concerned. If this person is an uncertified/unlicensed "companion" type caregiver, they don't appear to be terribly mature that they feel the need to "showboat" for their Facebook friends. Also, someone mature would realize that they shouldn't be talking about their clients on social media.

It all takes on even MORE significance if this caregiver is a Certified Nurse's Aide or Licensed Nurse. Talking about clients, especially on social media, is an absolute 100% violation of HIPAA laws and is grounds for immediate dismissal....certainly disciplinary action at the very least. Even if your loved one isn't mentioned by name, it's still a serious breach as there IS the possibility that someone could recognize your loved one in whatever details might have been given.

Lastly, I think the thing that would concern me most would be, if she's willing to falsify something THAT YOU WITNESSED...what is she doing when no one is around to see & is lying or embellishing about it?

Eddie Oct 2015
Low self-esteem. ... Give her a pull up. She's a legend in her own mind.

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New2this Oct 2015
Sendme2, you are wise. I didn't even think about guilt, to possible cover tracks. I just know honesty is a very important personal trait. Seems either one has it, or does not. Doesn't look like care giver has it, I would not want them in charge of my family member. And as you said, gossip can do some real damage to others, kind of what I was thinking about dishonesty. If she'll make stuff up, what if she makes stuff up that is coincidentally damaging at some future time, unbeknownst to her. Just not worth it, IMHO. There has to be plenty of honest CGs out there, why knowingly keep one that is not. :-)

anonymous281963 Oct 2015
Then, there is the issue that your caregiver could really believe what she reports on facebook. She lacks credibility, there may be a mental illness beneath her lies.

You can follow her lead and confont her publicly on fb, but that would be mean and unprofessional. However, you situation does not seem harmless to me.

anonymous281963 Oct 2015
The caregiver is a gossip, and I agree with New2this, seems risky; and agree with Garden Artist, lacks maturity. The neighborhood gossip here does some real damage to others even if sometimes it is so harmless as after having her house sit your dog, the whole neighborhood knows you have a lumpy mattress and just how hard it is to clean your dirty house. I would not hire someone who is a gossip, and also do not speak to her. Was just not interested in knowing lies about my neighbors.
Also, the caregiver's behavior could be an attempt to cover guilt, hoping that guilt is not about a mistake causing mom to go to the emergency room.

GardenArtist Oct 2015
Thinking this over again, I wonder if she really has the maturity to be handling the caregiving position.

New2this Oct 2015
Deegee, it's kind of sad that she'd feel like she needed to embellish on what she actually does. I'd guess, it was for some type of respect from others? At the same time, it would bother me. Without honesty and clear thinking as in this instance, will there be a repeat of these traits at a time when it matters more? I personally couldn't leave it go, or leave her there with my Mom indefinitely. It seems risky.

hapiper Oct 2015
I think she was just trying to make a mundane low paying job appear to be much more than that not only to her friends but even more, for herself. Contract or no, if it bothers you, and it appears it does, you absolutely need to mention it to her and make it perfectly clear that it is NOT okay.

BarbBrooklyn Oct 2015
I wonder if she knows that you see her posts .

JessieBelle Oct 2015
Oh, I wouldn't worry about that at all. She was on fb and showtiming for her fb friends. If she does a good job with your mother, I would just let it roll off me.

GardenArtist Oct 2015
What bothers me more is that the caregiver is breaching client privilege and trust (as well as misrepresenting the truth) by posting on social media, which has never been secure or confidential.

If you hired her through an agency, read the contract and see if she breached the terms by revealing privileged medical information. If you hired her directly, and decide to keep her, I'd write a contract and make her sign it, agreeing never again to reveal medical details of your mother's care or situation. Her behavior was inexcusable.

As to exaggerating the event, I think there could be a few possibilities:

1. She legitimately thought your mother was having a heart attack and in her own mind saw herself as a savior.

2. She legitimately thought your mother was having a heart attack but embellished the situation to enhance her own reputation, or to boost her self confidence.

However, if she actually claimed that your mother was having a heart attack, that's a little bit different, especially if she's not a trained medical person. There are symptoms, and medical people can be more confident in concluding a heart attack is in process, but it's my understanding that the best determination, in addition to the symptoms diagnosed by medical personnel, is the presence of triponin in the blood, obtained through blood work and analysis.

Nurses and CarlaB, contradict me if I'm wrong - this is just my understanding based on what an ER doctor told us once, about 20 years ago. Hopefully there are more accurate ways now.

In addition, the claim that you were not there adds to the inappropriateness of her posting, as well as being an outright lie. That would really bother me, and actually make me very angry.

I'd be considering (a) a frank talk (b) signed contract, with defined penalities for blabbing and misrepresentation and/or (c) finding another caregiver.

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