I can't get the husband to use the bathroom. He just goes in his pants. Any advise?

mitzjoe, you wrote the original post early August, and some of us here had questions for you to answer, if you are still out there, please come back so we can get a better understanding what is going on.

Often my husband does not want to leave what he is doing (watchng a game show on tv). He will feel the urge but won't go until it is too late. Then he does not want to bathe. This is a constant battle.

Hi gladiamhere, Yes they are home. Sorry I did not get back to you a few days ago but my computer was down. Yes Dad has enlarged prostate and has dementia. My Father has always been unreasonable about everything. It is just coming to a head..

Need to follow this. Think I am here already.

this is a tough one! my stepmom got a commode and my dad uses it in the TV room. For some reason he is very resistant to use the toilet in the bathroom, even though he is totally humiliated when he soils himself. He wears depends. Could your dad be afraid of something? It is really hard to tell when people who for all of their lives were reasonable start losing cognitive ability. We have to get creative!

One way my Mom got my Dad to start using Depends was when she had it cleaning up after him. The next time he messed on the carpet she [97] handed Dad [93] the cleaner and paper towels. And stood there watching him to make sure he got it clean. After of few more times of Mom refusing to clean up "his mess" and Dad having to do it, Dad started to wear the Depends :)

I agree- remove all other underwear choices. Assist him with putting the men's version of Depends on and pulling them up. Don't ask, don't give choices, just get it done. Say the doctor said to do it this way. Take your opinion out of it, and use somebody else as the excuse. "Dad, you're testing these for the doctor. I said you wouldn't mind doing this for him."

Explaining the logical side of "this is unsanitary and a safety hazard around the house" will get you nowhere.

And take his briefs or boxers away! If they do not have a choice that may help.

Cher, are they at home? Watch for that to ecome a safety issue.

And on old men not using the bathroom. We had it here, mostly because he just did not know when he had to go. Enlarged prostate will cause this problem, then add dementia to it?! Forget about that. There must be a way to get him to cooperate with wearing Depends. Does he have dementia?

My 90 year old Father is having this problem also and he refuses to where incontinence briefs. 90 year old Mother does wear them Thank God! Problem is that Dad is starting to go on the floor and Mom is walking in it. Don't know what to do. Sorry I have no answer to the question. Both parents are impossible.

I hope you are using incontinence briefs at least! My mom rarely feels the urge to go anymore and doesn't realize when she has gone, so I have her on a schedule. Will he stay if you seat him on the toilet? Lots of older guys have to sit instead of stand due to poor aim and mobility issues. Try getting him to the bathroom after meals and at any other logical times and leave him there for at least 5 minutes, it often takes that long or more. It's not exactly the same as going on his own but it saves on pull ups and cleanup time.

Mitzjoe, is it because he can't get to the bathroom on time?.... or is it because he doesn't realize he is needing to do those functions?