Memory care places won't take my husband. Now what?

Good question!! One I didn't ask. I should be worried then about finding a nursing home. I think he could function very well (other than looking for me all the time) in a Memory Care community. He's still smart enough to make his wishes known, eventually. I haven't asked that question of his Neurologist yet but I'm quite sure he would say a Memory Care.
I will let you all know how we make out with our search for our loved one. Checking one out tomorrow in Mass.

Yes Betsy, I would check around. I've never heard of such rules. I guess they have their reasons for the suggestions, but it sure sounds bizarre.

Where does his doctor say he should receive his care, a Nursing Home? Some dementia patients do go to nursing homes when they are not able to move, are very sick or need nursing care. Someone else would have to explain how a nursing home would accommodate a physically active man with poor memory. What about wandering, which is always a possibility with a dementia patient. How would a nursing home handle that? Could they physically restrain him?

Please let us know what you find out. I'm curious.

Thank you. I just finished talking with 'A Place for Mom'. We are going to look in another state for some help. I'm really disappointed in NYS and their regulations. I would never tell anyone to come here looking to check a loved one into a facility.

Betsy, I was advised to move my mother from NYS to Connecticut because of regulatory issues. There are a plethora of places in the Danbury area. In your shoes, I would give a call to A Place for Mom and ask for their help.

In NY state they seem to indicate that the NY Health Dept. cautions Memory Care facilities to take people that can't make their wishes known. Something else I find ironic, they gave my husband a test to see if he could pass it to be accepted in to Memory Care. Duh!

Maybe it depends on what state you are in, but in NC I visited several Memory Care units. MOST of the patients were not communicative. Losing the ability to speak is a common thing that happens with Dementia. The whole point of the Memory Care is that the resident can stay there for the rest of their days. That's how everyone explained it to me. I was told this by regular Assisted Living, all the Memory Care facilities I visited and the social worker. They said get her in memory care and she will not ever need to be moved, UNLESS she needs skilled nursing care due to a physical ailment that you decide to treat.

I saw people of all stages in Memory Care. I would find out what the standards are in your state and check out more memory care facilities.

Let me put it this way. A lot of the Memory Care places in our area do not have good ratings. The ones that do have good ratings, don't want to handle aphasia patients. We are presently looking out of our state for good Memory Care options. Thanks for replying to my comment. If you think of anything or any place, let me know.

Betsy, have you checked with more than one memory care facility?? I realize each region varies but most of the residents of the memory care place my Mom was in did not speak at all! It wasn't aphasia but rather advanced dementia. Call every one within a reasonable distance. Each offers different services and has different limitations.

Sounds like a plan. Let me do some thinking and research about this. Thank you!

I just found the "Its Never Too Late" company and website. Would your husband be able to communicate with an assistive device like a touch screen computer? I have just learned a little bit about tge technology, and am thinking about many possible uses. If your husband could communicate with a touch screen, you would work with the company to build a system especially for him, maybe memory care places would consider taking him if he had lists of questions that he couldtap, or words to put together?

Home care is getting too expensive and I don't even have 24 hr care. He's physically quite good and he can do shaving, showering, etc. with guidance. It's only my son and myself..no other family so it's risky not finding a secure place for him if something happened to one of us.

You may want to google In2L it may give you some ideas on how he woyld be able to interact with others. And home care I imagine would be a good option if affordable and you would be able to help other caregivers get to know him. A transition from home to facility care would be a great idea, where others care for him, get to know him, then become case manager for him in memory care. Hmmm...

His level of care need is too high for memory care. Even if you had moved him before the aphasia many memory care communities would now ask him to leave. When unable to communicate the staff would not have a chance to get to know him and how best to care for him. Your only remaining option is a nursing home. If he is still mobile it will need to be a secure unit. I am sorry you are going through this.