Should all siblings know about where my Mother's SS money is going?

My thoughts about this are along the same line as answry's. If you and other sibs are regularly being asked to chip in to cover mom's expenses, then I would want to know where her income is going. You don't want to be covering her prescriptions and copays if she is losing her money in online gambling or lavishing expensive gifts on the lawn guy. But if you're not being asked to chip in, or asked only occasionally for extraordinary expenses like a new power chair, then I think your caregiving sibling is doing the best she can with mom's money and shouldn't need to account to anyone else.

When my sister did the caregiving, things were constantly getting disconnected or running out (phone and gas especially, water, television, electric) throughout the year. I did not question anything about parent’s money just helped financially and physically when we could figuring things just ran a bit higher that month.

But now I am kind of torn about this question. In cases like this, question should be asked.

With that being said, now that I am doing the money management, I expect the same thing. Since none of the seven siblings assist financially or physically for that matter, than they absolutely cannot ask me a gosh darn thing about where there money is being spent.

They should be able to see that there are no more disconnections, they finally are getting some clothes here and there, the house is getting some needed repair, the car finally has new shoes, etc. But there still is a lack and they need help.

I guess you can say there is no clear answer to this question.

If you and all the siblings see the finances and see there is a problem or lack of finances to handle what is needed, what are you all prepared to do? The biggest question is why do ALL of you need to know? Is this a witch hunt?

A nice way of opening the discussion would be to ask your sister if she is managing financially, and whether in fact your mother's income does cover what it costs to keep her. Don't bet on it. And if that leads in to your sister's asking you all to chip in, it'll kind of serve you right.

If it's any consolation, your sister can be held to account by whatever regulatory authority takes care of vulnerable adults in their neck of the woods; but how your mother's money is spent is no more your business now than it was when your mother was in charge of it. Technically, that information is confidential and should be kept private by your sister. Was it something your mother was in the habit of discussing with you?

Fruity62, if your mother was residing in a continuing care facility the cost would be somewhere between $5,000 and $10,000 per month. I doubt her social security check would be that much, so that should tell you that your sister, who is caring for your Mom, is probably reaching into her own pocket for all the costs involved with caring for an elder at home.

With Mom at home, that means your sister's grocery bill has gone up.... the water bill probably is x4 as high with all the laundry involved with an elder especially one with dementia [daily washing of sheets].... the heat temp is probably set much higher thus higher utility costs... all the trips to the many different doctor offices [gasoline]... the cost of Depends if Mom needs to use those... cost of medicines, safety items, eye glasses, hearing aids, etc.

Time for you and the other siblings to help pitch in with these high costs of caring for an elder at home.

May I answer a question with a question? Why do you need to know if you're not caring for your mother? Your profile states that you care for someone, but apparently it's not your mother.

If you want to be aware of the disposition of your mother's SS, I think you would want to also be involved with her care. Sis can't do it alone.

Get together with your sister and other siblings and work out arrangements to help your mother and your sister. You'll probably see then that SS doesn't go very far.

Your sister has no obligation to give you an accounting of mom's money. It would be nice if she did. Your mom trusted your sister enough to name her as POA -- an almost all-powerful designation.

I'm going to assume mom gets the average Social Seciurity check of about $1200 a month. If your sister is keeping ALL of it, it's still not enough. If she IS doing that, though, unless she has a personal care contract in place with mom, if mom has to go on Medicaid in the next five years, Medicaid's going to want all that money paid back.