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Hi again from Aubrey,
"Family Feud"?! As if I have the time or desire to fight with them!? I have taken your advice and have not asked for their help, have not confronted them and I have accepted that I cannot compel them to give mom even a small measure of their time or attention. I will say that I am sad to hear from other family members that despite my best efforts they continue to cultivate ill will.

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"And then there are siblings who don't want to interrupt their own lives to help out. There are so many ways to help without being under the same roof. " BINGO!!!!

In my case, I am not asking anyone to take over the caregiving just to help out, just to care. Make even the SMALLEST effort. They were barely able to eek out a phone call for fathers day. They used to come visit, send cards and gifts.. now they do the barest minimum even though now they need it the most.

Most of these threads complaining about siblings and other relatives boil down to the fact that the siblings do not want their lives to be inconvenienced.. at all by having to help out the caregiver. There are many many ways to help.

My moms siblings (who live in town and are younger and healthier).. prefer to offer "advice" from afar.. over the phone. Their phone calls consist of unsolicited "advice" .. instead of caring.

Sorry.. I'm feeling some resentment lately .... I feel your pain Aubrey. Wish there was something we could do about it tho.
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Sometimes in families one sibling winds up being the hands-on under the same roof Caregiver because the other siblings feel it is time for that parent to have extended care that only can be given in a continuing care facility.... but the hands-on Caregiver refuses to let Mom or Dad move. In some cases the other sibling decide tough love is the only route, and they refuse to enable the situation by giving time to help out.... hoping that Caregiver would see the light and just let go.

Another thing to think about, not everyone is cut out to be a Caregiver... you wouldn't want a sibling who would go into sheer panic if Mom or Dad fell, thus unable to help or even dial 911 because they themselves had fainted. Or you have a sibling who wouldn't be good at hands-on but is good at logistics if given the chance [that's what I am doing].

And then there are siblings who don't want to interrupt their own lives to help out. There are so many ways to help without being under the same roof.
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Doesn't the definition of feud mean fighting? I am not fighting. I have minimal contact with my siblings however when I do it is civil and without confrontation. Why do my siblings continue to promote this? It hurts me to know that my own blood resents me even as I shoulder not only mine but their responsibilities.
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