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November2015 Asked May 2015

Mom denied almost all food, anger out and not listen to any explanation, not cooperative at all. Advice?

My Mom is 79 years old stroke patient. She got blood cloves in her left side of brain, and facing speech disability, memory loss and physically weak in her right side. she still can walk, speak and do little things by herself. She is not very educated and don't have reading habit, lack in analysing things and happenings. She is worried and doubtful person. She apart with her husband in her 45, and Her husband break her trust on him and it hurt for her. Currently she stayed with me as I am only daughter who is able to giver her care. Luckily I am single, so I can giver her my time more. Last time I live and work in big city, but after she got stroke, I moved back to small city where she stayed. I lost my job which earn good, social life and friends. Now I m jobless even I m doing part time job which earn a little. We only have just enough earning for 2 person. Even though in this situation, Mom seems headstone, never want to know how my life is tough, she denied every meal breakfast, lunch, dinner. Always say food for meals are not good, she don't like to eat. Even eat, she eat a little, then in short hrs, she hungry again and want to eat again, but when I prepare, she didn't eat well. And she feel displease her life all the time. I tried with meditation but no success. All the time, she feel displease easily, and don't want to speak at all. How can I make my Mom to know her life is not that bad, appreciate and value her life? Sometime I burnt out as I feel like my life was end, even I lost many(job, convenient life style, friends) for her( I didn't say these to her, it is only in my mind), because of she is being like that, I feel upset. She don't have many friends and not even interesting to contact with her best friend. She is very depend on me now too, but she is not listening to me. If I scold her for not eating well, she anger out on me and very aggressive. As she is stroke victim now, I can't raise and volume up. I have to clam down myself and follow her desire. So she become more unreasonable. How can I change to better situation and what can I do to change better situation. I am tired and stressed as well.

terryjack1 May 2015
contact your local area agency on aging and ask about their caregiver programs, they also have some in home programs where someone can come in to give you a break. They may have a program where you can get paid to care for mom. Maybe it's time she had a full medical workup, she may have something else medical going on, she may also have difficulty in swallowing after her stroke so maybe her food needs to be altered such as chopped meats to make swallowing easier. She may have depression, make sure you tell her doctor about her behaviors and eating habits as it's important in order for him to make a correct diagnosis. Remember, you are not alone as a caregiver, there are many of us. As a caregiver you also need to care for yourself, if you don't you won't be able to care for her. Even if you take 30 minutes or an hour here and there-do something you enjoy. Good luck.

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