Can only do so much versus overrule Mom and force things.

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My mother is 89 years old and has a lot of health problems. She lives in her home and my brother lives there also. He is middle aged. He has a personality disorder and causes more problems than he solves. I live an hour and a half away. And I am emotionally almost drained from her and her problems and potential problems. She does not have dementia!!! And is not getting it!!! So how much is she responsible for her own life and how much am I when she is stubborn and won't do the right things? I am getting sick of having to fight her emotionally with everything that she won't do. For example she is willing to go without home insurance if the insurance she is trying to get now falls through. She will let her current policy end and not renew. It is twice the cost of most other homeowner insurance but still. And it's all cause my brother would drive her crazy if she renewed the current insurance. I said I don't care what he does. She responds that I don't have to live with him! She does! I kept telling her she had to have home insurance. She said she knows but she can't take how my brother would be if she did. He sees everything and would know. A few years ago Adult protective services came out. They did nothing. A social worker told me that unless the situation is really, really bad they don't do anything.
Barbara

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The reason for the expencive insurance is her homowners insurance dropped her after too many claims. No one in town would insure the place so she had to go with out of town insurer. My mother would like brother to only stay at house three days a week not fulltime. But he lost apartment and had no where to go. Mom is co-dependent with him. She protects him. Adult protective services was called in several years ago. But did nothing. Social worker told me unless situation is extremely bad nothing is done. Brother has , I think borderline personality disorder. My brother has had years of therapy. Didn't help. No mortgage on home. Mom would never move. Beside saying she can't aford it. She won't leave brother. He has to have place to live so she won't sell home. She feels she has to be there also to take care of brother. Makes his meals, reminds him to take pills, etc. He doesn't need to be cared for. But mom never stopped treating him like he was a child. He is 52 years old. He is not advising to drop insurance but to get cheaper one. But policy is up about June 6 so not much time left. I have been getting quores for few weeks now. Mom and brother kept asking for more info.
He would be angry if she stayed with current insurance cause all the quotes I have been giving them have been so much cheaper.
Barbara
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theres no such thing as the " right " thing to do , thats determined by the individual and individual circumstances . for what your mother is paying annually for homo insurance she could have bought 40 acres in her younger years . shes old , not necessarily stupid . id drop the insurance too . i have forced insurance by my mortgage bank - 260 bucks a year . it doesnt cover my losses but thats fine with me . if the dam place burns down ill tarp in a corner of the block basement walls and start over .
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If your mother has a mortgage on her house, she has to carry insurance or the bank will call in the loan. If she owns the house free and clear, she does not have to carry homeowner's insurance. I would not take that risk, but apparently she would. Now be alert for other unpaid bills, especially property taxes. My MIL hated water bills, doctor bills and property taxes.
An elderly woman in Buffalo NY lost her home by refusing to pay the garbage fees; the city sent the property to the county tax auction and someone scooped up a lovely home for only a few hundred dollars.
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Is your brother getting help with his mental health issues?

Would your mother be better off selling her home and moving to a nice senior apartment closer to you?
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So many questions for you. Does your mom want your brother living with her? What kind of personality disorder does your brother have? Why is her homeowner's insurance so expensive? Does your brother pay her bills and could you consider taking over that function (if he does), so that you can keep her doing the wise thing, like having homeowner's insurance on her house?

It sounds like an unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship between your mom and your brother, if he's advising her to do things like drop her insurance and badgering her about it.
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