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yooperlove Asked April 2015

What stage of dementia is when they will not talk?

mom is 94 and in the last few days has stopped talking, she acts like she hears but just wants to stay in bed and not eat or drink, she has a lot of confusion and goes back in time a lot but lately has just not wanted to talk even to the nurses she has had for over 2 years now.

EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF Apr 2015
I agree with everyone here. This sounds like end-of-life behavior. You've been fortunate to have her this long. If she is uncomfortable you may want to call on hospice. They can help make those last months or days much more comfortable.
Take care. Please let us know how you are doing.
Carol

wamnanealz Apr 2015
I really don't understand why everyone says embrace life. I am waiting and hoping for death. This is not life abundant! It is cruel, embarrassing, and humiliating to live this way. What pleasure for the caregiver? Yes he does enjoy his old movies that he watches every day! That is all he can do. Watch TV, eat and that's it. He can't talk so what else is there. He was very religious and loved to go to church, We can't go anymore because of extreme diarrhea, and he had forgotten what the "Host" was for! He didn't know what to do with it when he went up for communion. I had to guide him back to the pew or he would try to take the napkin from the wine steward at communion. Just humiliating! There isn't much left. How can one cherish this stage of AD. I just pray that the Lord will take him in his sleep before I have to put him in a home! I don't want to have to do that! But I recognize there will be a point where I will not be able to lift him or care for him when he is bedridden! I want it to be over! God forgive me, please!

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KM1027 Apr 2015
this is in reply to wamnaneatz: Finally someone says what I have been feeling for a long, long time. I have lived with my husband with Alzheimers for 11 years! He is only 76 and may live another 10 years, but he became mean and tried to kill me, broke furniture in our house and I had to have both of us locked in the house as he left every 10 min. Finally, I ended up living in my bedroom to avoid him. At last when he took a hammer to my head, I knocked him over and called the police. They dragged him away in a police car in handcuffs. He is now in Assisted Living He has no money, as he never thought about saving but we have been married 53 years and so all the money I earned is going to pay the $ 100,000. it costs me to keep him going in the assisted living. They will spend me down till I have only $ 50,000. for the rest of my life- not per year- for as long as I live! My mother was 96, so that may be 25 more years. Undoubtedly, I will end up on welfare and lose all I worked so hard for for 54 years. I will be in low income housing and on food stamps. Do I wish he would die/ Yes! He has no quality of life left at all and it is costing me my life savings to keep him alive. He has no clue who he is or where he is or sometimes even who I am. I felt so guilty about feeling this way, but as you can see, I have been through h*ll and back with this man and now I am the one being punished - he doesn't know anything anymore. It is so unfair. I wish I had gotten a divorce 5 years ago, when they said I should so I would not be responsible for him anymore, but there is a 5 year look back in our state and at the time I felt Icould not do it to him. I agree with the gal above. I am sorry to think like this, but the consequences of his living are so devastating to me, that it is the best solution. Lynn

RichardJ Apr 2015
About four years ago, my mom did not talk for about a year. Then she started talking again, and sometimes wouldn't stop but much of it was her own language, which I learned to understand partially. Then she stopped talking again, in her final months. She died 7 months ago. But she experienced joy til the end. she still smiled, she still gave great,loving hugs. Never give up hope. Never wait for death. When it comes, you don't need to wait by the door. It will knock the door down with a vengeance. But until then, live each moment to the fullest. We did.

wamnanealz Apr 2015
And this man was and is the Love of my life. We have been married for 38 years. I love him so much!

Sueber48 Apr 2015
What have the doctors/nurses told you? When my Mom stopped eating and talking the nurse told us to gather the family. My mother lived for about a week after she refused food. We talked to her, told family stories, laughed, cried and made sure she was comfortable. Best wishes for peace for your mother and your family.

gsw92498 Apr 2015
My mother-in-law just passed away two weeks ago, and that is how she was the last few days of her life. Hospice is wonderful if you want to get them involved. They can really help you. Bless you and your Mother.

cetude Apr 2015
94 years old. You are very lucky to have had her that long. I wish my mom would last that long, but I doubt that's going to happen. She's almost 86.

ferris1 Apr 2015
She is entering her last stage it sounds like as the brain is shutting down her muscles which control the speech. Prepare yourself and know at 94 yrs. she has had a full life. Bless you and your family.

wamnanealz Apr 2015
My husband lost most of his vocabulary about 4 years ago. He only used two words in most of his talking. But when he gets mad he can throw out a big long sentence using expletives and it is grammatically correct! I think it is called dysphasia ! I get lonely because I have no one to talk to! But my friend who's husband talks her ears off, wishes he didn't talk so much!

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