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mom is 94 and in the last few days has stopped talking, she acts like she hears but just wants to stay in bed and not eat or drink, she has a lot of confusion and goes back in time a lot but lately has just not wanted to talk even to the nurses she has had for over 2 years now.

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yes, I'm aware of the "whole" wholel life thing but no, pretty sure this is term, since turns out that's all I have - if I even have that anymore, which don't actually think I do - think everything got all mixed up when our terms ran out and then hub couldn't get anymore - long story - just trying to get our situation straighted out
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Hi debdaughter, I think the company you are thinking of buys whole life policies not term and converts them into LTC. Term policies don't have any cash value while whole life does. I may be wrong but that is my thinking. I have heard of that also. Think there is a rider on whole life policies that you can buy. Thanks so much for reminding me.
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ooh, 126Cher, I'd not ever heard of that; I, too, would like to find out more about that; maybe we should just do some checking into it - will say (had almost forgotten about this; hope I still have the info) there is a company that will buy your term life insurance policy and convert it to LTC
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I would also like to know why the insurance is up. Is it that she has been there for years? I know long term care policies you cover you for some many years than stop. Isn't there like a 30,000 or something co-payment also before it kicks in?
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pargirl, and I know this was a while back, but just hoping, what do you mean you mom's ltc insurance was going to be up? because since you said three months, that means it should be just about now that it has been
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Re: stage when talking stops....Teepa Snow probably has a good answer for this. It's not necessarily the end because my MIL doesn't talk anymore but still eats good and is quite mobile with walking. When she stops eating I'll think the end is near. She has just forgotten her words indicating which part of the brain is deteriorating.
To the thread about losing everything and existing in poverty as a result of paying for the spouse's care. Yup, it sucks. But because you are poor does not mean you are nothing. Your quality of life will be to a big extent what you make of it. Try not to build yourself a living hell after your spouse departs. Go to church, make new friends whereever you are living, volunteer, be kind. You are not just only your money and your possessions.
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94 years old. How wonderful. I bet you have made many great memories over the years. God bless her. My mother died when she was 57 years old. She wasn't able to be present for her grandchildren's milestones. I watch mothers and daughters and can only wish we had more years together especially that my father is now suffering from dementia. When he thinks we have to pick her up from dialysis it really hits home. Be thankful for your mother and love her!!!
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I guess it's possible, but knowing this place, I find that pretty bizarre. Plus, it's the doctor who prescribes the medication and in this place, each resident has their own private doctor. The facility doesn't have one.
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sunnygirl1...I can't say for sure, but I suspect that they aren't as bad off as they appear to be....more likely they are just heavily medicated.
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I realize this question is from April of this year, but I had a comment about it.

I know that dementia patients can have some symptoms from various stages of the illness, but this particularly raises my curiosity. I have noticed that in the Memory Care Unit, where my cousin resides, there are more than several residents who have been there for at least a year in the same condition. They are wheelchair bound, they do not speak or look at anyone who speaks to them. They don't appear to even know where they are. Yet, they have survived since she went to live there and that was at about 9 months ago. How is this possible?
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My 90 year old mom talked (although it was jibberish towards the end) till the day she died.....and when I was younger, she used to tell me that *I* talked too much....lol
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For those that are taking care of loved ones in their homes, there are answers out there. Look for help such as, day cares, day caregivers, VA benefits, etc. Work with a social worker. They are really good sources of information and can direct you in the right direction. My dad has never been in the hospital up until his heart attack 5 1/2 years ago at 2010. He is an Iwo Jima veteran, survived all 35 days on that horrible beach but I truly believe that taking care of my mom 24/7 did him in. Drs said he had clogged arteries.....yep, probably eating out 2 to 3 meals a day since my mom couldn't cook anymore and the stress he was under. I tried to help as much as I could to give him some relief but he needed more than that. I lived with her for 3 1/2 weeks while he was recovering and I honestly don't know how he didn't have one sooner. After I had to put her in a facility for him to fully recover I knew she could never come home. It's been hard but I worked with her dr. , a social worker and the VA to get benefits for her. While she worked she had taken out long term care insurance because she saw what nursing home expenses had done to her mom, my grandmother. Her insurance is up in 3 mos. Going to take a big hit after that. My dad's VA benefits will help but not that much. I know it's hard, expensive and there is guilt. But if you don't take care of yourself, your caregiving will take your health. Good Luck and God Bless all of you.
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I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Mom mom died May 6, 2015. She had the same issues you discribe 3 days before. Sit beside her and keep her company and be there for her if she needs anything like sips of water or tissue or change of clothes. If there are any other family members nearby that visit her on a regular basis perhaps a visit might perk her up. God Bless! Keep us posted .
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I believe your mother is in the end stages of her illness. A woman that I took care of for three years did the same thing. Didn't want to eat, drink, talk, get dressed, bathe ... you get the idea. My mother-in-law did the same thing. It's almost like they've given up. I'm sorry to say they both passed away a few months later.
I wish you peace during these hard times. God Bless . . .
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To yooperlove & Give a Hug: Both of you should love and cherish every minute you have left with your loved ones. I lost my husband when he was just 52 years old. The 15 years we had together were the best years of my life, (and his I'm told). .During those years, we had ONE argument! I know it sounds unreal, but it's true. What I wouldn't give to have just one more day with him!

My mother passed when I was only 17 years old, she was 57. I would sell my soul to have had a mother, that lived into her 80s and 90s. Whether she had all her facilities or not.

You people have been so lucky to have all the years you did have, when they were in their right frame of mind. How dare you complain, because all they do is watch TV, or embarrassed/humiliated you!

For three years I took care of a friends mother with dementia. I became very close to her. Yes, she assaulted me, punched, scratched (I have the scars). Being I lost my mother so young, I took it with a grain of salt.

She passed away December 2014, peacefully in her sleep at a nursing home. They were wonderful to her, but I felt guilty, because I felt as if I couldn't do it anymore. I wish I would have stuck it out.

From what I've read, some of you are going to be in the same shoes, your loved ones are in right now. Do you think your children will be able to handle it?

Don't give up so quickly ... I know it's hard, try to understand ... And make arrangements for yourselves, being some of you have family history, with this very illness.

Think about what I've said, please. God Bless all of you . . .
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I feel the same way I too am caring for my hubby too since 2010 its so hard now he wont leave me alone and gets really possessive I cant go to church either and miss the fellowship im lonely and scared too. Im relying everyday for God to help me. he has progressive aphasia the only reason im on here cuz he fell asleep I cant even talk on the phone. He cannnot do anything at all and usually goes on and on and curses too. yes it is embarrassing,i have no life at all , it uses to be fun and I thought of it as a ministry he wd make me laugh but now I only feel sad and he no more fun im with him24/7 iiiiits to much he can no longer use bathroom and hates being bathed I don't know how much longer I cn do this he saids numbers alot. thx everyone prayers for all xo
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No offense... someone asks a question (the original post) but people seem to get off the subject. I realize dementia is a horrible thing for people to go thru, the patient and the caregiver. If someone asks a question, they are looking for an answer. I sympathize with many of you, but I also think we should stick to the original question. No offense.
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i have known my mom -aztec and her grandma is sick lol im not though ...lol dementia @ u
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CORRECTION: FIL and dad died of cancer. etc. etc.....When I had to go through genetic counseling...the doctor just looked at me, and stopped the questioning......Everything runs in our family............oops.....Have a wonderful child...Couldn't ask for anything better...It's about the lives we bring up...and how they deal with US...Hope child takes care of me,,,one way or the other...ooops....
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Would you rather be in a tornado or earthquake or hurricane?? Strange question......But, if you had to choose between Cancer or ALZ,,,,what would you rather suffer from? Horrible question, I know, been there, done that with family, friends, etc......You don't choose,,, it's what you end up having.....You don't know.....until it happens......FIL told my child, We don't get off this earth alive....Yes, my kid was only 9 years old..He died of cancer, my father died of cancer, and MOM is dying of ALZ..........Let nature take its course naturally at this age.........
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The Sad Stage.......REality hits in, and appreciate the person you are caring for....love, no judging, and love...........no questions, no doubts, know you are there, and they feel and see, and know who you are...............
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All above answers are good, really on target. Years ago people use to get sick and die without developing Alzheimer's so spending all your money on the disease was not necessary because the people just died. Now with medical advancements which let people live into their 90's and sometime age 105 our bodies are outliving our brains. This is the price we are now paying for medical research. Even in cancer cases and other medical problems Medicare and other insurances take care of you if you are continuing to improve. Once you stop getting better or plateauing it becomes custodial care. (That is when they stop paying). Yes it is horrible that all our money has to go on this. Maybe the solution is what they did in the Movie Logan's Run. The first make of the movie got rid of people at the age of 60. The remake got rid of people at the age of 30. Scary movie.
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Why is it that a person has to SPENT all their hard earned money an this horrible Alzheimer's. When there are other things like cancer and other things out there that are actually covered my insurance and Alzheimer's is not. There is something wrong with this picture. SOMETHING SHOULD BE DONE !!!!!!
IT IS NOT RIGHT EITHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Sometimes life just stinks. Although I still love my husband, I feel like it is too much to ask a person to bear all of this Disease. There should be some state aid for people in this situation. I am a middle income person, so I will have to pay for Bill's disease. When he gets to the Nursing home, it will bankrupt me too. I had life insurance which I thought would last me for my final years. I took it out on my husband because my he is ten years older than me. Little did I know that I have saved my whole life and am still paying on that policy. It will all be taken from me by the nursing home. I will probably end up living with one of my daughters. I never wanted that to happen. They have their own lives and we don't exactly agree on everything that happens in life! Life stinks. I say that and yet my faith sustains me at all times. If I didn't have my faith, I don't know what I would do.
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I don't think any of us should feel guilty about not wanting our loved ones to live like this. I don't want to live like that and hope I don't! It's not fair, it's not right but the disease doesn't discriminate and we just do the best we can under the circumstances. Each one of us has so much going on and it's hard. I pray to God that there will either be a cure or a really good treatment someday. It won't help my mom or dad but hopefully my son won't have to go through this with his mom and dad. Like I said it's hard. I try so hard not to feel guilty having a life while my mom is wasting away and my dad depends on me for everything even though he lives independently in a facility. I'm kind of rambling here but just want everyone to know it's "ok" to have the feelings you are having. Whether you had a great childhood or crappy one your feelings are your feelings. Can't get away from them. I pray for all of you on this site every day for strength, patience and guidance.
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this is in reply to wamnaneatz: Finally someone says what I have been feeling for a long, long time. I have lived with my husband with Alzheimers for 11 years! He is only 76 and may live another 10 years, but he became mean and tried to kill me, broke furniture in our house and I had to have both of us locked in the house as he left every 10 min. Finally, I ended up living in my bedroom to avoid him. At last when he took a hammer to my head, I knocked him over and called the police. They dragged him away in a police car in handcuffs. He is now in Assisted Living He has no money, as he never thought about saving but we have been married 53 years and so all the money I earned is going to pay the $ 100,000. it costs me to keep him going in the assisted living. They will spend me down till I have only $ 50,000. for the rest of my life- not per year- for as long as I live! My mother was 96, so that may be 25 more years. Undoubtedly, I will end up on welfare and lose all I worked so hard for for 54 years. I will be in low income housing and on food stamps. Do I wish he would die/ Yes! He has no quality of life left at all and it is costing me my life savings to keep him alive. He has no clue who he is or where he is or sometimes even who I am. I felt so guilty about feeling this way, but as you can see, I have been through h*ll and back with this man and now I am the one being punished - he doesn't know anything anymore. It is so unfair. I wish I had gotten a divorce 5 years ago, when they said I should so I would not be responsible for him anymore, but there is a 5 year look back in our state and at the time I felt Icould not do it to him. I agree with the gal above. I am sorry to think like this, but the consequences of his living are so devastating to me, that it is the best solution. Lynn
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Want to follow.
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My mom stopped eating in the NH. I did not want her to starve herself . i suggested a feeding tube an the request was not well received. the staff did not explain why I should or should not put the feeding tube in. I really struggled to decide. My decision was to put the tube in. Mom was not improving. a nurse explained to me that the tube is painful for her and she screams at night. I immediately had her remove the tube. I blame the NH for not telling me the real reason they were closed mouth about what was really happening. I found out later after she died that Nature was trying to shut her body down and that her body did not want to be fed. I was also told that starving is not a painful way to die. I was left with so much guilt. If I was only told what was happening to her I never would have made the decision to forcefully feed her. Why did they withhold information when I was being tormented by the decision I made?
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I understand how someof u feel. Of all her children, my Mom and I have been closest. But I have a hard time seeing her this way. She has forgotten how to cook. Reading isn't fun since her mind does process. And, u can't hold a conversation with her. She does enjoy sitting and listening. Just now she is worried about my nieces getting their birthday checks. I told her that is months away. Then she mentions Christmas, again months away. Then she says my brother gave her money for them and she doesn't want to forget. I tried explaining the money was "her" gifts for Christmas and Birthday not for the girls. Yes, had to repeat myself because she didn't understand me. Patience ran thin. Still don't think she understood.

For the lady whose husband is 94. My Mom is 87 and I don't think its fair thatshe has to live this way for the rest of her life.
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One of my husbands problems that caught my attention was his rough time with words and numbers... before he was diagnosed. This was in 2007-2008. He was finally diagnosed with Alzheimer's the end of 2008 just before age 71. He quit speaking within a few months of diagnosis. He was that way until his death in November last year. Anything that can happen at any stage of Alzheimer's can happen at any stage... if you understand what I am saying.
As wamnan said, she missed the sound but another person wishes their spouse would shut up!! I loved my husbands deep beautiful voice, one of the many things that made me fall in love with him.
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