My Dad assumed there is a lottery that he's getting suckered into. They have now broken him and his finances. What can I do?

Aw, Michelle - you know he's lost it if we curses and yells at his 62 year old daughter who still loves him enough to try to help! Whether he has always ruled the roost with his rages, or this is a recent development, his judgement has left him, and it's a storm you have to face down somehow.

Thank you! Part of my problem is that he will get angry and cuss and swear at me. He can get right in your face .....scares the heck out of me and I'm 62 years old!

I think you are going to have to go see him in person and assess his living situation in general, and see if you can find a good comprehensive geriatric evlauation you can take him too. I feel for ya, long-distance caregiving is tough stuff. Mild cognitive impairment is certainly a possibility that has to be entertained rather than just "stubborn." These scammers just call and call and call until they find someone like your dad who is not sharp enough anymore to see through their phony sales pitch, but still unprotected, so they can take them to the cleaners... they are true predators who live to pick off the unwary.

I suspect the attorney and police are inundated with these situations and if the scammers are offshore it would be hard to prosecute them for the bad checks. You can approach an eldercare attorney with the documentation of this and anything else you find awry when you visit, and possibly they could be more persuasive for you to get POA, or maybe there is enough going on that a guardianship is in order. It may seem expensive but it is probably something you can;t afford NOT to do. California has pretty strong filial responisbility laws*, more so than Oklahoma, but I'm not sure which ones fully apply in yoru situation. Sorry to hear you have had such a rude awakening to the world of caregiving for the elderly!

*See sandiegoelderlawabout/news-and-updates/112-requiring-adult-children-to-pay-for-aging-parents.html about that.

He's stubborn and not willing for who knows what reason other than being 90!

Is he not willing or is he not competent to understand the need to be willing?

Thank you...excellent advice! The only problem is, he won't go to the attny. to sign the necessary forms for me to be in charge of his assets. I live in OK and he lives in CA. It's done by mail and he lives at home. It's all wire transfers.
I'm not sure how to do the other things you are suggesting without power of attny!

You don't offer many details . . . was the scam by mail? In person? Caregiver? Phone? what? Clearly, the local police should be notified as well as the director of the senior complex where he resides. In addition, the federal trade commission oversees such investigations. And notify the State and county dept of aging.

NOW, take control of his finances, get financial papers out of his home, make sure his phone is on the 'do not call list' , sign his number up at nomorobo to eliminate the robot calls, put in a change of address and have all his mail sent to your home. Notify the credit agencies and have a fraud alert on his ID so others can't use his info to establish credit. Change his financial institutions. If he truly lost assets, check with the banks, etc to see if they have some way of pursuing the scammers.

Lesson for all caregivers on this site, be aware of things and remove opportunities of financial risk when things BEGIN to go south.

Yes, he's lost it all....the police have been called in, nothing they can do, because in their words, " my father willingly sent them the money orders." ( to NYC) They in turn issued him bogus checks....adult services can't do anything except a well person check, and he can talk his way out of that one! He lives in Ca., and I live in OK. The attny. Said there's mo things we can do, it's his money and if he's making stupid decisions, then that's ok.... HELP! Advice?

The first thing I would do would be to contact the police. There may not be much they can do, but you can try.

That is terrible. Now he's broke without the money to pay for his independent living. I am so sorry to hear this.

Yep, the scammers have convinced him that it is a lottery, when all the while he is now forked them over everything he has.

What?

Is this something that your father assumes has taken place or has he really lost his money in the lottery?