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My story is eerily similar to the person who is struggling to help her mother who is being scammed by a fake Luke Bryan impersonator. My mother believes Aaron Neville is her boyfriend. I'm going to refer to the scammer as "he", but in all likelihood it's a group of people (I know they are Nigerian) taking turns...and there are many, many fake Aaron Neville facebook accounts...new ones pop up every day.



As far as we know currently, she gave him $500 in itune gift cards, gave him access to her bank account, photos of her drivers license, her SSN, packed up her little car with many of her possessions and went to the local flea market every day to sell so she could have more money for the scammer. She is disabled and to picture her desperately packing her car, unpacking it at the flea market, repacking to go home, unpacking when she arrives home... I have no words.



Like the other poster, my mother refuses to believe it is a scam. She tells people (my family and doctors) that she knew it was a scam and was just having fun and that she doesn't have a facebook account anymore. All lies. I've tried to prevent her from accessing facebook...she just goes out and signs a contract with another carrier and keeps the phone a secret (we later found out and managed to remedy that). Now she has figured out how to make new gmail accounts and facebook accounts that we don't know the passwords to.



She called me early in the morning, 15 times, leaving voicemails stating that she was going to kill herself. I had her ECO'd, but they kept her for one week and she was able to fool them enough (I don't see how...she is so very fake and obvious) so they simply released her and told her to take her medicine and get counseling (obviously she refuses to do that now). All she really learned was that she should not leave voicemails stating her intent to kill herself.



When she's raging, she says she hates us and that she is going away from us (per the original facebook messages, the scammer tells her that he is coming to marry her and buy her a big house and take her away from her horrible daughters). When she's able to control the rage, she says "oh precious, I don't have a facebook account...I never had one, that was your sister faking an account".



I just honestly don't know what to do anymore. I know she has found a way to get back to the scammer...she's not acting normal at all and seems far too tech-sophisticated suddenly to be acting on her own mental power.



She is fully under the mind-control of this scammer. I feel helpless and hopeless. I don't want her to lose her independence and her house and possessions over this. I don't know how to stop it. What can I do?



Thanks for listening.

Find Care & Housing
Delete her Facebook Account ASAP
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Reply to loyalone
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Try seeking help from social services or organizations that specialize in consumer protection and anti-fraud. They can provide specific advice and support to resolve this issue.
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Reply to RigoboMaldo
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File a police report. It sounds like she's in the early stages of dementia. You may have to get guardianship, if you really want to stop this.
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Reply to darts1975
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Disclaimer * I do not have any experience with something like this. It sounds truly horrible and frustrating!
I have a couple thoughts, though.

I don't think there is much you can do, unless you can have her legally declared mentally incompetent and take over her finances as POA. You could then protect her assets, but allow her to have some spending money, so she feels in control of something. It sounds like she's going to great lengths to continue this behavior and keep it hidden from you.

I suspect the reason she is so vulnerable to scammers is because she wants and is getting attention. Find other outlets for her to socialize! Chat with her online more often. Find senior activities she could participate in. Have people drop by to see her. Whether it's bible study, meals on wheels, a neighbor volunteer, or even hire a companion aide. The idea is, keep her from feeling so lonely she will resort to seeking out companionship of scammers.

I would think this is something which you could report to legal authorities. Start with your local police and see if they can guide you to find appropriate legal action. I think most communities have a cyber crime unit.

Good luck! You may just have to let this go. Your mother is a grown woman, doing what she wants to do. Your wish to control it is only going to frustrate you more. I understand you'll likely have to deal with the consequences if she loses her home and everything she has. Be careful of letting her problems become your problems to solve.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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Losingmymom: This sounds like identity theft. File a report with the police.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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I understand what you are going through with your mother. They are probably communicating through Signal app or some other untraceable app. I went through all of this with my daughter who has a serious mental illness, but the scammer posed as Bradley Cooper.
If your mother receives Social Security, you can call them and tell them what is going on and you can become her rep payee so she cannot give the scammer any more money from that account. Just an idea.
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Reply to Oldest1958
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Igloocar Apr 22, 2024
Her mother has to assign the OP to be her representative payee. It also isn't relevant to the problem here, I believe.
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First I would put a freeze on her credit report so that no credit cards and bank accounts can be opened in her name. Second when she says she is going to kill herself I would call the police and tell them that she is going to harm herself they will deal with that by putting her in a place.

Is there a way you can talk to her doctor without her knowing about it? This would help in getting her the right help she needs.

I would definitely report her social security number as stolen.
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Riverdale Apr 20, 2024
Is it acknowledged that the daughter has durable POA. If not she cannot do anything with bank or credit card accounts.
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File a report with the FBI - www.ic3.gov and The Federal Trade commission . Also file a Police report .
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graygrammie Apr 21, 2024
That's the website I was looking for. I knew there was one with a 3 in it, but all I was finding was the FTC site. Thanks for posting that.
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Since she's provided all those documents about her identity, I think I'd be filing a report with the police regarding possible Identity Theft.

Also notify all her credit cards. Can you set up a Lifelock or some other service that monitors new cards being opened in someone's name as well as putting freezes on the current cards? Before he died, I had dad subscribed to Lifelock and Experian as well as I installed Malwarebytes on his computer. In fact, that might be enough right there to protect her. Malwarebytes through up such a scary warning on his computer one day that he called me and wanted to know what was going on. I told him it was Malwarebytes just doing what it was supposed to do, protecting him from himself.

If you can, get on mom's computer and set it up as if she is child. Use the parental controls that are there. I think that will even prevent her from being able to open up new email accounts. She is behaving like a child so you have to treat her like a child for her own protection.

Finally, file as much info as you can with reportfraud.ftc.gov. I know the form is extensive, but it is worth it.
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Reply to graygrammie
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Get all her devices away from her and to her doctor for an evaluation, now.
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Reply to Patathome01
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While your mother appears to have advanced dementia ... and I don't ...

For the record, it is EASY for many of us to be scammed, regardless (?) of our cognitive functioning/abilities and age. It happened to me. Yes, in retrospect, I fell for an easy scam through a dating service - by relying OUTSIDE of the service - directly to an email. I eventually / sooner than later / realized this appeared to be a 'child' or someone without much wherewithall responding to me. I wasn't financially compromised although it was certainly an ego blow. Yes. When it happens, we ("I") wondered: How did I allow this to happen and worse, how did I fall for it. And, this was about 5-7 years ago ...

BEWARE:

It was Match.com. The 'bad people' are hot on the trail of elder women ... ready snuff out elders like a hound dog.

PLEASE REALIZE your mom is attaching herself to a fantasy / hallucination. She wants to feel loved and belong. See if you can get volunteers, neighbors, friends, church volunteers to visit. She is fixated. You need to interrupt this behavior / pattern - by (hopefully) paying more attention to her. And, then, her brain may STILL not shift from 'her boyfriend.'

You do what you can. And, that is all any one of us can do.

Gena / Touch Matters
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Reply to TouchMatters
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Losing, it’s this Aaron as in “Brothers”??? the voice???

OMGawd, what an unusual celebrity scam. But if it is that AN, send me a PM. I can give you contact details as to how to reach him & Sarah (wf. & they are happily acutely married). He’s a such a sweetheart. I think he’d be so quite flabbergasted that someone is using his persona to do something so beyond awful.
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TouchMatters Apr 20, 2024
It may not be so unusual. It seems to me to be an easy allure - God, I'd jump at the chance to communicate with Rod Stewart (not really ... well maybe ... although as a younger person, he was a major jerk destroying hotel rooms/property thinking it was fun/ny. I lost respect for him although I still love his voice and he is a major miniature train collector (me too, riding trains).

I got derailed here. Back to this post ...

Elders, especially women of - more or less - 'sound mind' can fall for these things ... and worse, 100% of those with dementia can / will if they have access to computers, phones, internet ... mail(ers). It is a sad commentary on our society - and 'progress' with media and international communication abilities. And, now with AI, it WILL get worse.

We can't be too vigilant. And, family / friends of elders MUST be aware of these possibilities and take necessary actions to block usage. Gena
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She appears to have (advanced) dementia.
First, if not done yet, get her evaluated by MD.

Clearly, she needs to be blocked from using the computer, phone, and mail(ers).
If you are not legally authorized to handle these things, you need to be.
Otherwise, yes, I understand you feel helpless and hopeless.

She has dementia or some brain dysfunction and must be blocked from these things. In addition, she needs to be supervised - perhaps 24/7. She needs to be in a locked facility or have 24/7 caregiver.

From what I can tell, she might need to be in AI / memory care.

Get her medically assessed.
Get the legal authority you need to manage 'her entire life.' This includes POA, Will, Soc Sec Payee Rep, perhaps Fiduciary. These are the areas I had to manage. It is necessary that you do this.

"If" she is deemed to be able to manage her own life / decisions, then it it is up to her. However, it sounds like she desperately needs you - or someone - to intervene "yesterday." Otherwise, whatever financial resources she has will be drained as well as people may come knocking at her door as she will readily give personal information to just about anyone.

Calling you 15 x a day ... Tell her you will 'fix' and 'take care of things.' Then find out / ask ? / take control of her computer (or better yet, get rid of her phone and/or computer access. SHE SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO access any of these things, including mail(ers). Get her U.S. mail address changed to yours or a POX if someone can check it.

This is what you can do. And need to handle immediately - for her welfare.

Gena / Touch Matters
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notsothrilled Apr 27, 2024
I'm wondering: what is it about the description of LosingMymom's mother that indicates she has (advanced) dementia? Could you explain this further? Thanks
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Time to visit with an Elder Law specialist who can partner with you to offer assistance. Your mother has expressed suicidal intentions, and she should not be left alone. This will be a complex intervention and the first step is to find an Elder Law attorney. Your mother is no longer a candidate for 'independence', I fear, but you surely will want to protect her assets as she will likely need an alternate living situation other than "living alone" where she is so vulnerable to evil Scammers and their plots and ploys. Take the first steps by opening up fully with an attorney. Please don't dismiss the suicidal thoughts expressed by your Mom: That's a 911 call, in order to be evaluated. I think your own thinking might need to shift a bit, as her daughter. Your mother is suffering from depression, suicidal ideation, and most likely "dementia". You say she is "disabled" but not sure if you mean physically or mentally. Mom is in need of protection, and even if the current Luke Bryant impersonator were to disappear: others will present themselves soon, sadly. Mom is in need of protection and you may have to go before a Judge to obtain Guardianship, and this is where an Elder Law specialist can help you. Please do read Alva's suggested AARP Fraudwatch Hotline for suggestions. Ask her bank, but I do think you could possibly have her credit frozen with the three major credit bureaus if they were called. It's so painful but yet important, that Mom's daughters see her as a vulnerable adult in need of protection (very soon!) as her threats must be taken seriously. Mom is no longer able to handle independent living, and my heart goes out to your family. Legal advice as to steps that need to be taken to protect her are necessary. Your Mom has already shown that she can no longer be seen as "independent" as she cannot handle this.
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Reply to fluffy1966
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TouchMatters Apr 20, 2024
Thank you. Appreciate your detailed and informative response.
It is so true and heartfelt. gena
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What you will be able to do may depend on whether you are your Mom's PoA, whether she has a diagnosis of cognitive impairment or mental illness, what state she lives in, whether she has a history of mental illness and whether you live near her or with her.

If you (or nobody) is her PoA or legal guardian, and if she's not actually elderly, and if she doesn't have a medical diagnosis of incapacity -- then there really isn't any more you can. You can maybe try to freeze her credit. You can maybe go to her bank with evidence of the scamming (not sure what that'd look like but maybe call and ask her bank). Maybe contact APS and see what they suggest, if anything.

You say she's disabled, so is she on SSDI? Medicaid? Does she have a caseworker you can contact?

I'm so sorry for this distressing situation.
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Reply to Geaton777
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The elderly are so vulnerable when it comes to scams. I am so sorry that your family is going through this.

AARP has listed these scam podcasts to listen to.

The Perfect Scam

Chameleon

Scam Goddess

The Missing Cryptoqueen

Scam Influencers

The Shrink Next Door

The Dropout

Fraudsters

Queen of the Con

I certainly hope that you can clear this situation up in your mom’s life. Best of luck to you.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Seniors often do this because they are lonely.
This is a common scam and is written about in the current issue of AARP News bulletin.
They also give a number you can call to speak to an AARP trained volunteer about this and other scams.
Get rid of mom's need for contact by hooking her up with AARP at this number:
AARP FRAUDWATCH NETWORK HELPLINE:
877 908 3360.
Your mother is also expressing suicidal ideation. She should not now be alone until assessed.
See below for more on that.

Clearly you are aware this is likely dementia.
Your mother needs now not to be in control of her own finances.
Time to see an attorney for conservatorship or guardianship in order to protect her finances.
The suicidal ideation is an emergency. Please consider calling 911 for EMS transport to the ER and there call in Social Services for a 5150 or a 72 hour hold and exam and diagnosis. Your mother will be taken by EMS to ER against her wishes if you stress the suicidal ideation. The Social workers at the hospital can perhaps get you an emergency guardianship by calling a judge (possible in some states) so that you can lock her accounts.

At the VERY LEAST you yourself should call FRAUDWATCH today for options and advice.
Hope you will update us.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Sataari Apr 25, 2024
Off-topic but I thought you might be interested (or rather, appalled) because you're a retired nurse. In my region, the wait times in hospital ERs to even be initially assessed are now longer than 72 hours.

Since they cannot legally hold you long enough to even be assessed, there is no more use in calling 911 for suicidal intentions -- unless an attempt has already been made which requires immediate resuscitation. Patients passing in the waiting room, unevaluated and untreated. Patients carrying out their intentions while waiting to be seen. Horrifying!
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I’m so sorry you and your mom are going through this. It takes an evil person to prey on the elderly. That Luke Bryan post got 15 responses, and if you search scammers in the search bar you will find even more feedback and advice. There’s only so many suggestions lay people here can make.
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